My daughter, Quinn, says some pretty outlandish stuff. Soon after she started started speaking, I started recording some of her more memorable quotes and put them on The Bookface. This will be the third publication of the compendium. It didn’t earn 3.0 status because I’m pretty sure it’s incomplete. I suspect that the much maligned Timeline of The Bookface has eaten more than a few. For your convenience, I’ve started at 46 (obviously) and counted backwards (e.g. 45, 44, 43…etc.).
Quinnism #46 –
Watch out when liquid goes down the wrong tube, it might go down your arm tube.
Brushing our teeth, daddy takes a big drink of water and chokes
Q: “Wrong tube, daddy?”
Me: *cough* “yes’m” *cough*
Q: “Like your arm tube?” *draws a line up her arm with her finger, looking at me with the cutest sincerity*
I chuckle, try to make the liquid go through the tube in my arm that isn’t there.
Quinnism #45 –
Buried deep inside these seemingly random jumble of letters is the meaning of life or the key to the healthcare debate, maybe even the answer to the eternal question “Where’s the beef?”
Quinnism #44 –
She’s decides when you can make a mistake.
I put something in the wrong place.
Q: “Why you did that?”
PnQ: “Sorry, kid. I made a mistake.”
Q: “Don’t do that! You can only make mistakes when I tell you to!”
Essentially, when you make one mistake, you make two – the mistake itself and not having permission to make it.
Quinnism #43 –
Dead bees can bury themselves
*Outside at my “astructions”*
Q: “Hey daddy, come have a look at this bee. I think it’s dead.”
PnQ: “Should we bury it and sing some songs?”
*Q gets distracted, walks away from dead bee*
PnQ: “Where is this dead bee?”
*Q scans the area, can’t find the bee corpse*
Q (puzzled): “I don’t know. I think it buried itself.
Quinnism #42: the air tastes like cinnamon rolls.
This one is funny because we were in my car and we were miles away from a cinnamon roll. It’s also funny because of the way that she arrived at her answer –
Q: “The air smells good.”
PnQ: “What does it smell like?”
Q: “I don’t know; cinnamon? Cinnamon rolls?
It was as if she had to take a minute to think of something that smells good, and then she had to one up the answer.
Quinnism #41 –
Saying “please” and “thank you” make her neck hurt.
As is common among 4 year olds, Quinn can be pretty bossy. I do my darnedest to get her to take off her bossy britches by making her repeat the demand in the form of a question followed by “please” and if the request is granted, to say “thank you” – I have to do this quite a bit
Quinnism #40 –
She wishes she had a wishing start to make wishes
Q: “I wish I had a wishing star so I could make more wishes!”
A wishing star appears after a sparkly, bright flash.
Wishing Star: “BEHOLD! The Wishing Star is come to grant you the deepest desire in your heart of hearts. What would you ask of the Wishing Star?”
Q (nose scrunched, deep in thought): “Hmm…I wish I had a wishing star so I could make more wishes!”
The wishing star disappears and another appears in its place.
Next Wishing Star:”BEHOLD! The Wishing Star is come to grant you the deepest desire in your heart of hearts. What would you ask of the Wishing Star?”
and so on…
Quinnism #39 –
Her tongue produces soap that prevents her from coughing.
*In the car, I’m coughing profusely*
Q: “Are you sick, daddy?”
PnQ (me): “No. I just got some spit in my windpipe”
Q: “I never get spit in my pipes”
PnQ: “That must be nice. You’ll have to teach me how to do that”
Q: “Ok. When I get spit in my pipes my tongue lets out soap, so I won’t cough”
Perhaps the funniest part of this one is how she contradicts herself from one statement to the next.
Quinnism #38 –
Whitesboro, TX does not live up to its name.
*Driving back from Ardmore*
Q: “What’s this place?”
PnQ: “This is Whitesboro, kid.”
Q: “It’s not very white.”
This one would not qualify as a Quinnism on its own. Recall Quinnism #33: Lone Grove = Lone Grow-ve. I thought this would compliment that one nicely.
Quinnism #37 –
She has found a drink composed of coffee, soda and spaghetti.
Explanation: Taking a bath the other night, she slurps up songs bubbles and the following conversation ensues:
Q: “Daddy, would you like some coffee soda?”
PnQ: “Coffee soda? Never heard of it. Sounds delicious.”
Q: “Yeah. This batch is made with spaghetti.”
I will call this revolutionary new drink/food “SoSpaFee.”
Here is the commercial –
* man walks in the door exhausted by the day*
Man: “Honey, I’m home. What’s for dinner?”
Woman (playing video games in the parlor): “I haven’t started anything, what are you in the mood for?”
Man (face scrunched in thought): “I want coffee. No, I want soda. No, I want spaghetti. Ah heck, I don’t know what I want!”
(Stomps foot in frustration)
Announcer: “Has this ever happened to you? Here at Q foods, we understand that sometimes you just want soda, coffee and spaghetti at the same time; that’s why we’re proud to announce SoSpaFee, a delectable mixture of soda, coffee and spaghetti.
Try all the flavor combos, like cherry cola, French roast, and spaghetti with marinara. And don’t forget about dad’s favorite – root beer, penne pasta with vodka sauce with Italian roast.
Available now at your local grocery store in the pasta, coffee and/or the soda aisles. Heck, it might be with the automotive products for all I know.
to reach your destination, all you have to do is pass a trashcan sign, turn. After you have done this, pass another trashcan sign, turn – then you’re there.
Setting – in my car, driving to swimming lessons in Denison.
Q: “I hope we’re not lost.”
PnQ: “I think they were okay, kid.”
Q: “Oh yeah, we just have to turn by that trashcan sign, then find another trashcan sign, turn; then will be there!”
I have to note that there was no trashcan sign, or a trashcan to be seen. Moreover, I’m not even sure what a “trashcan sign” is.
*Removes foot from mouth*
Quinnism #35 –
Q LOVES onion rings…
…that’s it! I think it’s pretty funny that a 4 year old is so ravenous about onion rings!
Quinnism #34(No #) –
Who’s on first, Q style:
*Daddy hands Q a sucker*
Q: “What flavor is this?”
Me: “That’s a mystery flavor.”
Q: “Why it’s a mystery flavor?”
Me: “You have to taste it to figure out what flavor it is.”
Q: “Why you have to taste it first?”
Me: “Because it’s a mystery flavor.”
…and so on.
This conversation is still hanging over lake Texoma somewhere.
Quinnism #33 –
Lone Grove = Lone Grow-‘ve
Driving to my parent’s house (in Lone Grove, OK) –
Q: “Where are we?”
PnQ: “This is Lone Grove, kid.”
Q: “Ooh, we must be because I can see things growing”
My kid has very powerful senses.
Quinnism #32 (Qism #1) –
It is taboo to bite your straw on Sunday or Monday.
Setting – my apartment after picking up some food. I had just taken a drink of her chocolate milk through a straw that she practically pinched closed from biting.
PnQ: “Why do you always bite your straw, Quinn?”
Q: “Because I like to.”
PnQ: “Why do you like to?”
Q: “Because I can’t do it on Sunday or Monday!”
PnQ: “So you have to get in as much straw biting as possible on Friday?”
Q: “Yes, I can’t do it on Sunday or Monday.”
Keep an eye on your child’s straw on Sundays and Mondays – if they bite down on them they are breaking a very important social mores
Quinnism #31 –
When playing basketball, the ball is thrown through a “hoot”.
Scenario: at the sporting goods store
Patron: “is this basketball rim free?”
Owner: “I won’t give a hoot!”
Quinnism #30 –
I, daddy, will age in reverse (get “even small”) until the coming summer, at which point I will resume growing “forward”. If I appear shorter over the next ~6 months, it’s okay, things are as they should be.
Quinnism #29 –
Scenario: eating at Chuck E. Cheese. An employee dressed as Chuck emerges from the employee entrance to the kitchen, which helps to be by the bathrooms.
Q: “Did Chuck E. Cheese have to go to the baff-woom?”
Quinnism #28 –
When Q gets “knocked over” (October) she will be four years old.
Quinnism #27 –
There was once a one legged dinosaur.
Scenario: driving to see mommy’s new school, talking about dinosaurs (what else?) –
PnQ: “Weren’t there dinosaurs with long necks?”
Q: “Yeah, and some dinosaurs only had one leg.”
PnQ: “One leg? How did they run?”
Q: “They just stand.”
Quinnism #26 –
She is a as tall as she’ll ever be.
Setting: Barnes & Noble kids area; and to train playing with another kid.
Q: “I’m growing all the time.”
PnQ: “Mommy says I used to be small, like a baby. I didn’t even have teeth.”
Q: “I stopped growing three hours ago.”
She’ll be able to ride the kiddy rides and play on the play areas at restaurants FOREVER!
Quinnism #25 –
Scooby-Doo and SpongeBob Squarepants rule the world
Scenario: on the way home from school on a hot day
PnQ: “Quinn, do you wanna get a frosty beverage from Sonic this?”
Q: “No fanks (thanks)
PnQ: “Suit your self, I’m going to give myself something. You don’t have to get something.”
Q: “You can’t!”
PnQ: “Yes I can, it’s a free country.”
Q: “No, it’s not.”
PnQ: “is it a Quinnocracy?”
PnQ: “Who rules the world?”
Q: ”SpongeBob SquarePants and Scooby-Doo rule the world.”
Pretty soon, Scooby snacks will be the world currency and blowing bubbles will be in the Olympic sport.
Quinnism #24 –
Running in place causes you to catch fire.
Scenario: driving home from school, fire truck drives by sirens blazing.
Q: “Firetrucks use water to put out fires.”
PnQ: “You’re right, Quinn.”
Q: “Yeah, I will be on fire if I run in place.”
Running on the treadmill just got deadly.
Qutism (general cuteness, not related to Qs odd comments) –
Setting: exam room at Dr. Office. Q sits on the Dr. stool.
Q: “I be the doctor. What seems to be the problem?”
PnQ: “My stomach hurts. My leg hurts. I’ve been choking (throwing up). What’s wrong with me?”
Q: “I don’t know! You need ice-pack and a pinch (shot).”
Next stop, med school.
Quinnism #23 (She’s been on fire with her three year old logic!) –
Necessary = a person
(In the backyard, Q throws a pitcher full of toys and water from the top of her playhouse.)
PnQ: “Was that necessary?”
Q: “No, that was me.”
Quinnism #22 –
Pokey the horse cannot get sick by virtue of the fact that he is Pokey the horse.
Gumby (sick with the flu again): “Why don’t you ever get sick, Pokey?”
Pokey: “Because I’m Pokey, the horse.”
Gumby: “Oh yeah.”
I wonder, if you were to eat a toy Pokey, would you be immune to all illnesses? Medical science might be barking up the wrong tree!
Quinnism #21 –
‘Even’ is a modifier in and of itself, no superlative or comparative suffix necessary.
Q: “You’re driving too fast daddy”.
PnQ: (slows down) “Is that better?”
Q: “Can you go even slow?”
Quinnism #20 –
Basketball = any activity with a ball.
Golf, basketball, baseball all fall under the “baseketball” umbrella.
Quinnism #19 –
Worms live in tree “snaps” (sap) and they turn into “tigers and monsters”. So watch out when you see tree snaps, there could be worms on the verge of transforming into tigers and/or monsters. Who Knew tree snaps was so ominous?
Quinnism #18 –
I can’t really preface this one, so here it is –
PnQ: “L E T S G O! Let’s go, let’s go!”
Q: “G O S C Y (inaudible) 11 12 telemetry (I guess) blast off!”
Quinnism #17 –
As it concerns batteries, the amount is irrelevant.
Q: “Daddy, I need 4 batteries to take to mommy.”
PnQ: “only 4?”
Q: “I need 2 batteries”
Quinnism #16 –
Unless you want your free will taken away and quit whatever you’re doing, avoid these words when with Quinn:
Walk, Park, Pool, Ice cream, DVD player, Cookie, Pie
There are more, can’t think of them. Letting one of these words will open the floodgates in Qs head, pouring that item into her brain. Her mind gets so flooded that the excess flows out of her mouth into your brain, this process continues until your mind suffocates and you’re forced to give her the item.
Quinnism #15 –
Giving three reasons up front for not sleeping in your own bed is far more efficient than giving one reason at a time.
For example –
Q: in her room, screaming bloody murder.
Mommy/Daddy goes to check on her: “What’s wrong, baby Q?”
Q: I sick. I thirsty. I need to go potty.”
One of them is bound to work.
Quinnism #14 –
She’ll be “sea-turtle” years old on her next birthday.
For example –
PnQ: “How old are you gonna be?”
Q: (abruptly) “Sea-turtle”
Quinnism #13 –
A sticker is trying to kill her.
Picked her up from daycare on Friday, she got a sticker for using the potty all day (woot!). After we got her in her car seat she tore it off and it got stuck to her finger. This trauma lead her to conclude that the sticker was trying to kill her.
Luckily, she survived.
Quinnism #12 –
PBJ (grape) uncrustable = purple cheese.
There used to be a grilled cheese “uncrustable” but the jackasses that made it stopped (I blame Satan), Quinn basically lived off of them. After we couldn’t get them anymore (and lots of $@&””@ing expletives), we opted for the PBJ version and the “purple cheese” was born.
Quinnism #11 –
She got bit by a lion on the face.
For instance –
*Q takes a drink of water*
Q: “Ouch, a lion bit me on the face”
Don’t buy Aquafina bottled water, there are lions in it.
Aside – Q’s face is fine.
Quinnism #10 –
Unexhibit = unzip
For instance –
PnQ: “Unzip your purse so you can put in your bubbles.”
Q: “I unexhibit”
Say that last part about 40 times and it’ll work.
Original message from Q, she ran up and took over the iPad as I was typing Quinnism #10 – uxzsasaawwqwwse re t. Y ygggvtttttrrtyui ytyuibi op
Quinnism #9 –
A dress must be called a shirt. If she finds out it’s a dress, she will rip it off.
Quinnism #8 –
Any crescent shaped food is a “hamana” ( banana) –
Scenario: Q is taking an inkblot test –
Psychiatrist: “what do you see?”
Q: “a hamana”
Psychiatrist pulls out a new card: “how about now?”
Q: “A hamana”
And so on.
Quinnism #7 –
At this time of night, it’s too dark to have a mommy.
For example – no @~_\/\in clue, came outta nowhere.
Quinnism #6 –
Off = off and on.
For example –
PnQ: “It’s dark in here.”
Q: “Turn the light off (on).”
Quinnism #5 –
There are two colors, orange and green.
For example –
PnQ: “What color is that (blue) ball?”
She doesn’t have trouble identifying orange…all other colors are green.
Quinnism #4 –
Choke = vomit
For example –
PnQ: “Quinny, do feel okay?”
Q: “No, I sick. I choke.
Quinnism #3 –
You cannot be naked if your name is Quinn.
For example –
PnQ: “You’re naked, Quinny.”
Q: “No, I Quinn”
Wish that were my name, I’d never have to buy clothes again.
Quinnism #2 –
You can’t be pretty and busy at the same time.
For example: pnQ – “Quinn, you’re so pretty”
Quinn – “No, I busy”
Makes perfect sense, eh?
Quinnism #1 –
You can’t be cute and wear a shirt at the same time.
For example – person who is not Quinn(hereafter referred to as PnQ): “You are so cute”.
Quinn: “No, I wear shirt”.