Fun with Acronyms vol. 2 and Rhyme Time

Today (or tomorrow, or the next day, and so on until the breakdown of civilization; whenever you might read this), I’d like to tell you about a little mom and pop grocery chain called Wal-mart.
If you are reading this in the distant future and Wal-mart isn’t the hub of shopping activity in your borough, civilization is, indeed, on the verge of collapse.
As of now, 1:47pm CST on January 28th, 2016, Wally World, as it is known in contemporary parlance, is a yardstick…perhaps THE yardstick of American culture. The annals will have it that ours is the age of the of the localized globe, where the world is at your fingertips – literally. This summation contains several omissions (hmmm…’contain omissions’, not sure about that one, but I’ll go with it).
Notably left out of this description is the Vietnam War veteran door greeter who looks at everyone scornfully because they don’t truly appreciate freedom.
Let’s not forget the family of seven with one cart full of essentials (food, clothes, hygiene products) to be purchased with government funds, and another cart full of beer and cigarettes paid for with a crisp 100. On a more light hearted note, there’s the 200lb woman wearing shorts made for an average sized 14 year old… I’m getting carried away. The acronym for Wal-mart is Where Ambling, Languid Mortals Acquire Routine Trifles. Listen, nobody at Wal-mart wants to be there. Hell, they’re not there – that’s where the “Ambling, Languid” descriptors come in. Ambling = meandering about oh so leisurely, languid = lazy, lethargic. I’d say stop and look around at how people become oblivious, uncaring zombies at Wal-mart, but you (like me) will be one of those oblivious, uncaring zombies. Instead of brains, you’re motivated by being done and leaving. “Routine Trifles” would be anything, and I mean EVERYTHING that you might need and plenty of crap that you don’t. Stop by the pharmacy to get a blood pressure machine to take your BP after eating one of the varieties of Spam. You’ll want to pick up some toilet paper for when that comes blasting out the other end. Pick up a goldfish while you’re there (the fish tanks are right next to the toiletries at my Walmart – bit of a cruel joke, no?). It’s a few days later, after writing everything above I wanted to wrap it up, but something kept telling me I needed more. I didn’t understand what more I could do. I felt that I had adequately regurgitated my point onto the page, but the word bile and grammar chunklets on the page beckoned me to await further inspiration. I was listening to the audiobook of When Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris and I got to a part where he writes a poem about a hobo. It was then that I realized why my prose swill bade that I tarry – I must compose a poem. That’s right, people – it’s rhyme time – I awoke one morning and hungered for cereal with soy milk, But reached the fridge only to find a small amount of Silk. I felt a sinking in my heart, This meant a trip to Wal-mart. I started making a list of what I needed at the store, Milk, bread, lunch meat and light bulbs, nothing more. The first challenge was to find a parking space, I circled the lot for what seemed like days. Upon entering the store, I grabbed a cart, Looked at my list and contemplated a place to start. I’ve found that, no matter where you begin, You’ll purchase more items than you intend. For example, on my way to the lunch meat, I saw a deal on hot dogs that couldn’t be beat. This meant, of course, that I had to get buns, On the way, I saw some Capri Suns. My daughter has them with her lunch to drink, I’m never going to leave, I start to think. I commit to gathering the last few items, then go, There are so many conveniences to be had, though. With my cart nearly full, I head to the checkout, Careful not to look at items that might cause doubt… …that I have all that I need for now, If I missed something, I’ll manage, somehow. Checking my list as I walk out the door, I started with a short list, but ended up with so much more. I’ll call this limerick “Jarrett’s “short” list for Wal-mart”. I’ve enjoyed writing this entry – leave me some comments about your Wal-mart experiences. Next time, S.T.A.R.B.U.C.K.S. FIN @JarrettLWilson Yad Sdrawkcab and The “Science” of Numoronology A few weeks ago, everything got turned around on me. Literally. On Saturday, October 12th, a day that will live in ymafni, almost every piece of clothing I ventured to dawn came out backwards. Let’s break this down so it kinda seems scientifical. Backwards day was October 12, 2013. My surgery was the third day of September, in that foul year of our Lord, 2009. According to this website, 1501 days elapsed between those dates. Significance? 15+0+1=16. The 16th letter of our alphabet is ‘p’. ‘P’ rhymes with, and is the first letter of ‘pee’ – which is what I must do now… I’m back, moving on – ‘p’ is also the first letter of the word ‘polar’. In this case, polar has a dual meaning. On the one hand, it’s getting cold outside. We often use said word to denote extreme cold. On the other hand, polar is often placed in front of opposite to suggest something is out of order. This brings us back to my clothes inversion excursion (exversion?). Anyway, the details are thus – 1# ecnatsnI – As per my usual Friday routine, I put gym shorts on under my pants. At some point that I don’t recall, I decided to put the shorts on both backwards AND inside out. 2# ecnatsnI – I changed clothes after working out. Did I put the shirt on backwards? Yeppers. Did I fix the shirt to walk my dog? No. 3# ecnatsnI – I took the shirt mentioned in 2# ecnatsnI off after walking said dog and, being so unadorned, I deemed it uncouth to greet the visitor so gently rapping on my chamber door. Away to my dresser I flew like a turtle and grabbed a shirt. I carefully inspected the inside of the collar for the tag, swearing that, henceforth, I shall put my clothes on correctly. Despite my oath, the damn shirt ended up going on backwards – I blame Fruit of the Loom (this blog brought to you by Hanes “You can’t put our shirts on backwards, we won’t explain how this is possible, you just can’t.”). Continuing with our / numerilogical/historical/chronological(I will call this new “science” numoronology – notice the five letters after ‘nu’), the square root of 16 (being the sum of 15+0+1) is four. I took the square root because only “squares” where their clothes backwards. Four is significant because that is the number of botox injections I got in my foot for the last treatment. I’ve tried with little success to describe the pain that comes from injections in the foot – I’ll give it another shot. To experience this very unpleasant…uhh…experience follow this four step process – 1. Get a long, sharp object (i.e. a needle) 2. Take off your shoe 3. Take off your sock 4. Take the needle from step one and impale the bottom of your exposed for with it four f*cking times! Please forgive my lack of creativity with that description. You see, I can think of no feeling, painful or otherwise, that compares to a needle stick (nay, four needle sticks) in the bottom of the foot. However, the pain is worth it after the botox starts to work its magic on my toe flexors. Listen, after my hemorrhage/surgery, some wires done got crossed and now my toes think my brain wants them to curl all the time. My brain my or may not be sending a signal to curl so vigorously, but my toes are hearing “CURL, DAMMIT! CURL UNTIL YOUR TOES POINT BACKWARDS!” Ok, let’s recap. I started by mentioning yad sdrawkcab (backwards day) and finished with curling toes. numoronology is a truly dizzying, convoluted science. FIN @JarrettLWilson Oh yeah, in observance of NaNoWriMo, I don’t plan to blog for the month of November – toodles! SiLiMes #7 – “BoHOLDian Rhapsody” Gotta pay respects to the masters of rock – * & *, have books ready, Put a hold on them some time ago Now they’re ready to go, Mrs. +…this hold has just begun, From now they’ve got three school days. Teacherrr oooh, make sure you tell these two, If they’re not back again (in the library) this time TUESDAY 2/28, The books will move on, move on to the next patron. Queenily, Jarrett Changing gears… Here are the next five in my list of 100 things that I have learned from living with a TBI. Recall from their previous list the use of such numbers as one, three, four and so on. I’m going to change it up with this list and feature numbers such as ten, eight and se… I’ve decided that the list of a hunnerd is a solid basis for a book, and would like to hang on to it for that purpose. I’ll leave the previous list up to…well, because I don’t wanna take it down. It’ll also give loyal readers a taste of what I hope will be a book someday. I’m not going to give up this blog though. I’m going to use it for public service announcements. The following message is near and dear to my heart – Are you a licensed driver? Do you understand the rules of driving? If you answered ‘yes’ to both of these questions, you’ll be equipped to complete the following sentence: “When I drive on a road in the United States, I keep to the _____ side of the road. I’ll make it even more simpler by providing answer choices – A. Awesome B. Right C. Bright D. Dark The correct answer is B. Right. However, I’ll accept D if you’re a Sith Lord. Sith Lords don’t have to drive on a certain side, they can just use the force to move cars out of their way. Now that that’s settled, ponder this question – Do you or anyone you know shop at a supermarket? If you answered yes to this question, correctly answered the previous and can’t use the force, the following concept should make perfect sense – when patronizing a supermarket STAY TO THE RIGHT! DON’T walk slowly in the middle of an aisle and stop suddenly to look at the Pop Tarts DON’T suddenly speed up when the person waiting behind you as you FINALLY select the S’mores Pop Tarts (barf), forcing this person to stay behind you. DON’T stop in the middle of the aisle to look at Nutri-grain bars (how many quick breakfast fixes does a person need?) DO stay to the right. DO politely move to the side of the aisle when you find something that you’d like view. Lastly, and most importantly, DO STAY TO THE RIGHT!!! This announcement brought to you by PISS (Public Information for safe shopping). Lily the Dog Here Greetings, humans! Fowawaplaberugu (food water walk play belly rub guy) went somewhere in his moving domicile (car) and he left the computer on with a web browser open and signed in to his blog. So I thought that I, Lily the dog, would tell you about life as a dog. It is a common misconception that life as a dog is a breeze. Why, just the other day, the blue menace (a blue plastic bag) tried to kill me…excuse me, I need a nap. Also, Fowawaplaberugu only let me lick his bowl twice! TWICE! Egregious, I know. I also have to defend Fowawaplaberugu from the people walking by outside our domicile. For the most part, my savage bark and my kill face keep them away: but occasionally, Fowawaplaberugu lets these people in. That’s when I have to unleash my most fearsome barking and growling…excuse me, I need a nap. When we go for PEE-PEE as he calls it, there will be humans lurking out there, sometimes they try to TOUCH me! This aggression will not stand, so I poop on their lawns…excuse me, I need a nap. Here’s a picture of me – Humans call me “cute” and “precious” a lot. I guess those are different words to describe a vicious beast. I better go now, I need to take a nap. Quinnism Compendium v2.1 My daughter, Quinn, says some pretty outlandish stuff. Soon after she started started speaking, I started recording some of her more memorable quotes and put them on The Bookface. This will be the third publication of the compendium. It didn’t earn 3.0 status because I’m pretty sure it’s incomplete. I suspect that the much maligned Timeline of The Bookface has eaten more than a few. For your convenience, I’ve started at 46 (obviously) and counted backwards (e.g. 45, 44, 43…etc.). Quinnism #46 – Watch out when liquid goes down the wrong tube, it might go down your arm tube. Scenario: Brushing our teeth, daddy takes a big drink of water and chokes Q: “Wrong tube, daddy?” Me: *cough* “yes’m” *cough* Q: “Like your arm tube?” *draws a line up her arm with her finger, looking at me with the cutest sincerity* I chuckle, try to make the liquid go through the tube in my arm that isn’t there. Quinnism #45 – This… Buried deep inside these seemingly random jumble of letters is the meaning of life or the key to the healthcare debate, maybe even the answer to the eternal question “Where’s the beef?” Quinnism #44 – She’s decides when you can make a mistake. Explanation: I put something in the wrong place. Q: “Why you did that?” PnQ: “Sorry, kid. I made a mistake.” Q: “Don’t do that! You can only make mistakes when I tell you to!” Essentially, when you make one mistake, you make two – the mistake itself and not having permission to make it. Quinnism #43 – Dead bees can bury themselves Explanation: *Outside at my “astructions”* Q: “Hey daddy, come have a look at this bee. I think it’s dead.” PnQ: “Should we bury it and sing some songs?” *Q gets distracted, walks away from dead bee* PnQ: “Where is this dead bee?” *Q scans the area, can’t find the bee corpse* Q (puzzled): “I don’t know. I think it buried itself. Quinnism #42: the air tastes like cinnamon rolls. This one is funny because we were in my car and we were miles away from a cinnamon roll. It’s also funny because of the way that she arrived at her answer – Q: “The air smells good.” PnQ: “What does it smell like?” Q: “I don’t know; cinnamon? Cinnamon rolls? It was as if she had to take a minute to think of something that smells good, and then she had to one up the answer. Quinnism #41 – Saying “please” and “thank you” make her neck hurt. Explanation – As is common among 4 year olds, Quinn can be pretty bossy. I do my darnedest to get her to take off her bossy britches by making her repeat the demand in the form of a question followed by “please” and if the request is granted, to say “thank you” – I have to do this quite a bit Quinnism #40 – She wishes she had a wishing start to make wishes Q: “I wish I had a wishing star so I could make more wishes!” *BANG!* A wishing star appears after a sparkly, bright flash. Wishing Star: “BEHOLD! The Wishing Star is come to grant you the deepest desire in your heart of hearts. What would you ask of the Wishing Star?” Q (nose scrunched, deep in thought): “Hmm…I wish I had a wishing star so I could make more wishes!” *BANG!* The wishing star disappears and another appears in its place. Next Wishing Star:”BEHOLD! The Wishing Star is come to grant you the deepest desire in your heart of hearts. What would you ask of the Wishing Star?” and so on… Quinnism #39 – Her tongue produces soap that prevents her from coughing. Explanation: *In the car, I’m coughing profusely* Q: “Are you sick, daddy?” PnQ (me): “No. I just got some spit in my windpipe” Q: “I never get spit in my pipes” PnQ: “That must be nice. You’ll have to teach me how to do that” Q: “Ok. When I get spit in my pipes my tongue lets out soap, so I won’t cough” Perhaps the funniest part of this one is how she contradicts herself from one statement to the next. Quinnism #38 – Whitesboro, TX does not live up to its name. Explanation: *Driving back from Ardmore* Q: “What’s this place?” PnQ: “This is Whitesboro, kid.” Q: “It’s not very white.” This one would not qualify as a Quinnism on its own. Recall Quinnism #33: Lone Grove = Lone Grow-ve. I thought this would compliment that one nicely. Quinnism #37 – She has found a drink composed of coffee, soda and spaghetti. Explanation: Taking a bath the other night, she slurps up songs bubbles and the following conversation ensues: Q: “Daddy, would you like some coffee soda?” PnQ: “Coffee soda? Never heard of it. Sounds delicious.” Q: “Yeah. This batch is made with spaghetti.” I will call this revolutionary new drink/food “SoSpaFee.” Here is the commercial – * man walks in the door exhausted by the day* Man: “Honey, I’m home. What’s for dinner?” Woman (playing video games in the parlor): “I haven’t started anything, what are you in the mood for?” Man (face scrunched in thought): “I want coffee. No, I want soda. No, I want spaghetti. Ah heck, I don’t know what I want!” (Stomps foot in frustration) *announcer appears* Announcer: “Has this ever happened to you? Here at Q foods, we understand that sometimes you just want soda, coffee and spaghetti at the same time; that’s why we’re proud to announce SoSpaFee, a delectable mixture of soda, coffee and spaghetti. Try all the flavor combos, like cherry cola, French roast, and spaghetti with marinara. And don’t forget about dad’s favorite – root beer, penne pasta with vodka sauce with Italian roast. Available now at your local grocery store in the pasta, coffee and/or the soda aisles. Heck, it might be with the automotive products for all I know. Quinnism #36: to reach your destination, all you have to do is pass a trashcan sign, turn. After you have done this, pass another trashcan sign, turn – then you’re there. Setting – in my car, driving to swimming lessons in Denison. Q: “I hope we’re not lost.” PnQ: “I think they were okay, kid.” Q: “Oh yeah, we just have to turn by that trashcan sign, then find another trashcan sign, turn; then will be there!” I have to note that there was no trashcan sign, or a trashcan to be seen. Moreover, I’m not even sure what a “trashcan sign” is. *Removes foot from mouth* Quinnism #35 Q LOVES onion rings… …that’s it! I think it’s pretty funny that a 4 year old is so ravenous about onion rings! Quinnism #34(No #) – Who’s on first, Q style: *Daddy hands Q a sucker* Q: “What flavor is this?” Me: “That’s a mystery flavor.” Q: “Why it’s a mystery flavor?” Me: “You have to taste it to figure out what flavor it is.” Q: “Why you have to taste it first?” Me: “Because it’s a mystery flavor.” …and so on. This conversation is still hanging over lake Texoma somewhere. Quinnism #33 Lone Grove = Lone Grow-‘ve Scenario: Driving to my parent’s house (in Lone Grove, OK) – Q: “Where are we?” PnQ: “This is Lone Grove, kid.” Q: “Ooh, we must be because I can see things growing” My kid has very powerful senses. Quinnism #32 (Qism #1) – It is taboo to bite your straw on Sunday or Monday. Setting – my apartment after picking up some food. I had just taken a drink of her chocolate milk through a straw that she practically pinched closed from biting. PnQ: “Why do you always bite your straw, Quinn?” Q: “Because I like to.” PnQ: “Why do you like to?” Q: “Because I can’t do it on Sunday or Monday!” PnQ: “So you have to get in as much straw biting as possible on Friday?” Q: “Yes, I can’t do it on Sunday or Monday.” Keep an eye on your child’s straw on Sundays and Mondays – if they bite down on them they are breaking a very important social mores Quinnism #31 When playing basketball, the ball is thrown through a “hoot”. Scenario: at the sporting goods store Patron: “is this basketball rim free?” Owner: “I won’t give a hoot!” Quinnism #30 I, daddy, will age in reverse (get “even small”) until the coming summer, at which point I will resume growing “forward”. If I appear shorter over the next ~6 months, it’s okay, things are as they should be. Quinnism #29 Scenario: eating at Chuck E. Cheese. An employee dressed as Chuck emerges from the employee entrance to the kitchen, which helps to be by the bathrooms. Q: “Did Chuck E. Cheese have to go to the baff-woom?” Quinnism #28 When Q gets “knocked over” (October) she will be four years old. Quinnism #27 There was once a one legged dinosaur. Scenario: driving to see mommy’s new school, talking about dinosaurs (what else?) – PnQ: “Weren’t there dinosaurs with long necks?” Q: “Yeah, and some dinosaurs only had one leg.” PnQ: “One leg? How did they run?” Q: “They just stand.” Quinnism #26 She is a as tall as she’ll ever be. Setting: Barnes & Noble kids area; and to train playing with another kid. Q: “I’m growing all the time.” PnQ: “Mommy says I used to be small, like a baby. I didn’t even have teeth.” Q: “I stopped growing three hours ago.” She’ll be able to ride the kiddy rides and play on the play areas at restaurants FOREVER! Quinnism #25 Scooby-Doo and SpongeBob Squarepants rule the world Scenario: on the way home from school on a hot day PnQ: “Quinn, do you wanna get a frosty beverage from Sonic this?” Q: “No fanks (thanks) PnQ: “Suit your self, I’m going to give myself something. You don’t have to get something.” Q: “You can’t!” PnQ: “Yes I can, it’s a free country.” Q: “No, it’s not.” PnQ: “is it a Quinnocracy?” Q: “No.” PnQ: “Who rules the world?” Q: ”SpongeBob SquarePants and Scooby-Doo rule the world.” Pretty soon, Scooby snacks will be the world currency and blowing bubbles will be in the Olympic sport. Quinnism #24 Running in place causes you to catch fire. Scenario: driving home from school, fire truck drives by sirens blazing. Q: “Firetrucks use water to put out fires.” PnQ: “You’re right, Quinn.” Q: “Yeah, I will be on fire if I run in place.” Running on the treadmill just got deadly. Qutism (general cuteness, not related to Qs odd comments) – Setting: exam room at Dr. Office. Q sits on the Dr. stool. Q: “I be the doctor. What seems to be the problem?” PnQ: “My stomach hurts. My leg hurts. I’ve been choking (throwing up). What’s wrong with me?” Q: “I don’t know! You need ice-pack and a pinch (shot).” Next stop, med school. Quinnism #23 (She’s been on fire with her three year old logic!) – Necessary = a person Example – (In the backyard, Q throws a pitcher full of toys and water from the top of her playhouse.) PnQ: “Was that necessary?” Q: “No, that was me.” Quinnism #22 – Pokey the horse cannot get sick by virtue of the fact that he is Pokey the horse. Example – Gumby (sick with the flu again): “Why don’t you ever get sick, Pokey?” Pokey: “Because I’m Pokey, the horse.” Gumby: “Oh yeah.” I wonder, if you were to eat a toy Pokey, would you be immune to all illnesses? Medical science might be barking up the wrong tree! Quinnism #21 ‘Even’ is a modifier in and of itself, no superlative or comparative suffix necessary. Example – Q: “You’re driving too fast daddy”. PnQ: (slows down) “Is that better?” Q: “Can you go even slow?” Quinnism #20 – Basketball = any activity with a ball. Golf, basketball, baseball all fall under the “baseketball” umbrella. Quinnism #19 – Worms live in tree “snaps” (sap) and they turn into “tigers and monsters”. So watch out when you see tree snaps, there could be worms on the verge of transforming into tigers and/or monsters. Who Knew tree snaps was so ominous? Quinnism #18 – I can’t really preface this one, so here it is – PnQ: “L E T S G O! Let’s go, let’s go!” Q: “G O S C Y (inaudible) 11 12 telemetry (I guess) blast off!” Quinnism #17 – As it concerns batteries, the amount is irrelevant. Q: “Daddy, I need 4 batteries to take to mommy.” PnQ: “only 4?” Q: “I need 2 batteries” Quinnism #16 – Unless you want your free will taken away and quit whatever you’re doing, avoid these words when with Quinn: Walk, Park, Pool, Ice cream, DVD player, Cookie, Pie There are more, can’t think of them. Letting one of these words will open the floodgates in Qs head, pouring that item into her brain. Her mind gets so flooded that the excess flows out of her mouth into your brain, this process continues until your mind suffocates and you’re forced to give her the item. Quinnism #15 – Giving three reasons up front for not sleeping in your own bed is far more efficient than giving one reason at a time. For example – Q: in her room, screaming bloody murder. Mommy/Daddy goes to check on her: “What’s wrong, baby Q?” Q: I sick. I thirsty. I need to go potty.” One of them is bound to work. Quinnism #14 – She’ll be “sea-turtle” years old on her next birthday. For example – PnQ: “How old are you gonna be?” Q: (abruptly) “Sea-turtle” Quinnism #13 – A sticker is trying to kill her. Scenario – Picked her up from daycare on Friday, she got a sticker for using the potty all day (woot!). After we got her in her car seat she tore it off and it got stuck to her finger. This trauma lead her to conclude that the sticker was trying to kill her. Luckily, she survived. Quinnism #12 – PBJ (grape) uncrustable = purple cheese. There used to be a grilled cheese “uncrustable” but the jackasses that made it stopped (I blame Satan), Quinn basically lived off of them. After we couldn’t get them anymore (and lots of@&””@ing expletives), we opted for the PBJ version and the “purple cheese” was born.

Quinnism #11 –

She got bit by a lion on the face.

For instance –

*Q takes a drink of water*

Q: “Ouch, a lion bit me on the face”

Lesson-

Don’t buy Aquafina bottled water, there are lions in it.

Aside – Q’s face is fine.

Quinnism #10 –

Unexhibit = unzip

For instance –

Q: “I unexhibit”

Say that last part about 40 times and it’ll work.

Original message from Q, she ran up and took over the iPad as I was typing Quinnism #10 – uxzsasaawwqwwse re t. Y ygggvtttttrrtyui ytyuibi op

Quinnism #9 –

A dress must be called a shirt. If she finds out it’s a dress, she will rip it off.

Quinnism #8 –

Any crescent shaped food is a “hamana” ( banana) –

Scenario: Q is taking an inkblot test –

Psychiatrist: “what do you see?”

Q: “a hamana”

Psychiatrist pulls out a new card: “how about now?”

Q: “A hamana”

And so on.

Quinnism #7 –

At this time of night, it’s too dark to have a mommy.

For example – no @~_\/\in clue, came outta nowhere.

Quinnism #6 –

Off = off and on.

For example –

PnQ: “It’s dark in here.”

Q: “Turn the light off (on).”

Quinnism #5 –

There are two colors, orange and green.

For example –

PnQ: “What color is that (blue) ball?”

Q: Gween!

She doesn’t have trouble identifying orange…all other colors are green.

Quinnism #4 –

Choke = vomit

For example –

PnQ: “Quinny, do feel okay?”

Q: “No, I sick. I choke.

Quinnism #3 –

You cannot be naked if your name is Quinn.

For example –

PnQ: “You’re naked, Quinny.”

Q: “No, I Quinn”

Wish that were my name, I’d never have to buy clothes again.

Quinnism #2 –

You can’t be pretty and busy at the same time.

For example: pnQ – “Quinn, you’re so pretty”

Quinn – “No, I busy”

Makes perfect sense, eh?

Quinnism #1 –

You can’t be cute and wear a shirt at the same time.

For example – person who is not Quinn(hereafter referred to as PnQ): “You are so cute”.

Quinn: “No, I wear shirt”.

Comprende?

One Pair of Glasses to Rule Them All!

ITEM! I picked up my glasses with the prisms for double vision. I don’t really have double vision anymore, so when I wear them everything looks like it did when Frodo put on the ring in LOTR. A HUGE eye stares at me all the time, even when I’m in the bathroom – RUDE! I wonder if I’m invisible? Come to think of it, there’s a strange inscription on one of the arms/ear-pieces. ; I’ll just look a little closer. WHOA! It says “One pair of glasses to see real good, one pair to focus. One pair with prisms in them, don’t forget to pay us!” Actually, they somehow help. Not sure how, like all things I can’t explain it must be some sort of magic.