Dialectical Menialisms #II: Before and After

We often reckon time in terms of before and/or after some remarkable event. Notable examples include B.C. and A.D., the civil rights act of 1964, the dismantling of the Berlin Wall in 1989; and 9/11 of course.

For me, my Being Until Transformative Trauma, or “BUTT”, includes everything from Thanksgiving Day 1980 (birth day) to around May 23rd, 2009.

Twas on or about that day that a lesion in my brainstem began to leak blood like so much pee-pee from a baby’s untrained bladder.

Life with the Awareness Subsequent a Stroke, or “ASS”, began, as I reckon it, on September 3rd, 2009. I’ve started calling September 3rd my “rebirthday”. This is not to say I strode from the hospital after surgery like so much John Travolta a la Saturday Night Fever. Surgery on the brain bestows no alleviation of symptoms, rather it visits more trauma upon the already sensitive cogitation apparatus. The significance of this event was not the surgery itself, but rather the decision to have surgery.

Now that I think on it, ASS could also be Awareness Subsequent Surgery. Either way, my BUTT had no idea of the impending ASSery.

Reciprocally, any account I…uh…recount, about my BUTT is anecdotal. That is, my ASS tends to glorify my BUTT because I’ve had my ASS for a long time. Therefore, the time of my BUTT has been elevated to the level of golden age, when it may not have been so great. That’s the thing, I try to get my ASS in gear, but my BUTT always gets in the way. In a manner of speaking, my BUTT is a pain in my ASS.

I tell you what though, I recently read Laura Bruno’s BLOG, whose compelling argument for the improvement of life after a catastrophic illness has…uh… compelled me to believe that myself. That is, my BUTT believed that I’d continue on much like I had been. Think about that, Internet; my ASS, your ASS, his ASS, her ASS doesn’t have to be the same or worse than the BUTT. This may seem obvious to you, but this has been a revelation to my ASS.

By comparison, I was a lazy BUTT, but my crazy ASS never rests. I think my BUTT would’ve been fine cruising through life as a spectator, but I’ve a joy joy feeling of significance taking shape in my ASS (relax, I’m not about to take a dump).

I speak, again, of a singularity (mentioned, briefly in the last paragraph HERE. Methinks I’ll be using this term often, so allow me to offer a more complete explanation. Quite simply, a singularity, as I employ the term, is when seemingly unrelated objects and/or events come together in such a way that providence seems not only possible, but probable.

The beauty of a singularity is that it both transcends and affirms one’s faith. Christians may give all credit to God, Muslims to Allah, Jedi to the Force, Donald Trump to money and nonsense (or I guess that would be Money and Nonsense (Monsense?) when they’re deified); but the way I see it, a singularity is simply a sign that there are powerful forces all around us.

For example, the (initial) topic of this post is before and after or b & a. These two letters, over the course of the yarn I’ve here spun, have taken on new meaning. In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m talking about BUTT and ASS. Does this mean the powerful forces have conspired for me to tell you all about my BUTT and ASS? That question is irrelevant. I believe it to be true and as WI Thomas said, “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences”. At this moment that means that I believe powerful forces are aligning behind me, so from my point of view, it’s true. If it’s true, it must also be true that you, dear reader, were meant to read and comment and get off your BUTT, get your ASS in gear (I realize that some of you don’t have an ASS or a BUTT as I use them here, but you know what I mean), and experience the turning of the gears of life.

OK, I’ve put my ASS into this entry. Better quit while I’m ahead.

Rhyme Time: Get a Job(s)

Teaching aboard the Millennium Falcon. Obi-Wan isn’t pictured, he had to go to the bathroom. The sign with the rooster reads “this isn’t the rooster you’re looking for”

My injourney

has led me

To many

Ways to make a penny.


My preservation,

Indeed, my continuation,

Rests on many a vocation.

A patched together living in summation


The latest of these

I do with ease,

Lounging in my jammies

Teaching English to Chinese…


…Children. Thanks to the internet,

I don’t get wet,

Or take a jet.

I Haven’t even been to China, yet.


Pronunciation and grammar are my trade;

American dollars are what I’m paid.

Fortunately, I don’t have to grade…

…Papers, and the lessons are already made.


I simply report to the designated digital place

With a smile on my face,

Speak at a slow pace,

And keep a clean workspace


“No, not ‘parsent’

“It’s pronounced ‘parent’

Don’t worry about your accent

I know what you meant


This pedagogical enterprise

Supplements my daytime guise

Where I mesmerize

Teach and civilize…


…local students at the secondary age

In order to engage

Them with sage

Advice for life on the world’s stage.


These jobs offer little remuneration,

But, keep in mind, monetization

Isn’t the only form of “job well done” dispensation,

Much of my efforts are met with adulation.


Indeed, the compensation is sufficient

For spiritual nourishment,

But the commercial payment

Won’t even cover rent.


Such is the way

I earn my pay

Allowing me to stay

Productive and bizzay (busy)


Life doesn’t stop because of brain injury.

I’ve still got to get out and feed the monkey.

I just never imagined I’d be

So busy…




Changing gears…

Here are the next five in my list of 100 things that I have learned from living with a TBI. Recall from their previous list the use of such numbers as one, three, four and so on. I’m going to change it up with this list and feature numbers such as ten, eight and se…

I’ve decided that the list of a hunnerd is a solid basis for a book, and would like to hang on to it for that purpose. I’ll leave the previous list up to…well, because I don’t wanna take it down. It’ll also give loyal readers a taste of what I hope will be a book someday.

I’m not going to give up this blog though. I’m going to use it for public service announcements. The following message is near and dear to my heart –
Are you a licensed driver? Do you understand the rules of driving?

If you answered ‘yes’ to both of these questions, you’ll be equipped to complete the following sentence: “When I drive on a road in the United States, I keep to the _____ side of the road.

I’ll make it even more simpler by providing answer choices –
A. Awesome
B. Right
C. Bright
D. Dark

The correct answer is B. Right. However, I’ll accept D if you’re a Sith Lord. Sith Lords don’t have to drive on a certain side, they can just use the force to move cars out of their way.

Now that that’s settled, ponder this question – Do you or anyone you know shop at a supermarket? If you answered yes to this question, correctly answered the previous and can’t use the force, the following concept should make perfect sense – when patronizing a supermarket  STAY TO THE RIGHT!

DON’T walk slowly in the middle of an aisle and stop suddenly to look at the Pop Tarts
DON’T suddenly speed up when the person waiting behind you as you FINALLY select the S’mores Pop Tarts (barf), forcing this person to stay behind you.
DON’T stop in the middle of the aisle to look at Nutri-grain bars (how many quick breakfast fixes does a person need?)
DO stay to the right.
DO politely move to the side of the aisle when you find something that you’d like view.
Lastly, and most importantly, DO STAY TO THE RIGHT!!!
This announcement brought to you by  PISS (Public Information for safe shopping).

Free Association Rhymification

I’m going to try something new here at Brain Injourney Industries.

I have writer’s block of a sort. I have several topics swimming around in my head and have even started writing on a few, but they don’t feel right.

So you see, my problem is that I’ve too many things to write about rather than too few.

I’ll start writing on one topic and think, this topic is boring, this other topic is WAY more interestinger, I think I’ll write on it instead. I’ll write on this other topic for a bit and think, this other topic is boring, this other other topic is WAY more interestinger, I think I’ll write on it instead.

I eventually make it back to the first topic and think this is a good topic, I’ll keep working at it.

Then the process starts all over again.

I conjure the best way to deal with this quagmire is to let my thoughts spill out like so much upchuck from a

college freshman’s stomach.

This upchuck will not spew forth in the erratic order you’d expect from vomit; i.e. Cinnamon Toast Crunch, then the bean burrito followed by the nuts from a Snickers, all swimming in a broth of Keystone Light and vodka. No, no. This ralph is going to rhyme.

Mmkay, What is to be the subject?

My Uncle Sam is an architect.

The subject will be whatever is both interesting and easy to rhyme with:

Such as, the Jedi fight the Sith.

Do the Sith use the force?

No, their power comes from a horse.

I’m hungry right now,

So hungry I could eat a cow.

Thing is, I wouldn’t call it “cow”, I’d call it beef;

There’s a character on Street Fighter 2 named Zangief.

That was a game that I loved to play,

I used to play it at my grandma’s house with my cousin TJ.

He usually beat me,

Excuse me, I need to go pee.

Ok I’m back, sorry for the delay,

I’m sure you want to get on with your day.

Not wait for me to go potty,

Loddy doddy, I likes to pawdy.

‘Potty’ and ‘Pawdy’ are almost the same word, cheater.

Watch out for flooding caused by a faulty hot water heater;

A pipe burst on my old one, spilling water everywhere

There was quite a bit here and even some over there.

How much longer will this be?

Not sure, I don’t wanna stop before I give thanks to my sister, Chelsey.

A couple of weirdos!
A couple of weirdos!

I spoke to her the other day and told her I was in a slump,

She knew just what to say to give my spirit a jump

I think that it is now time

To end this rhyme.

I do hope you had a laugh or two,

If you didn’t, go find something better to do

Such as, take a poo.



Stuff and Junk

Hey there buckaroos and buckaroodettes! I’ll skip the usual “I haven’t posted recently because…” and just say “better late than never!” Much has transpired since last I “flogged” you –

Professionally: I am once again gainfully employed as a library assistant at the Piner library. I very much enjoy it – it’s quiet, I get to leave work at work, and I get to organize and categorize all day! My inner bureaucrat is taken care of 🙂

Medically: I am now part machine (that’s right, I was all man before). I wear a black helmet, breathe loudly and sound like James Earl Jones and enjoy pinching my fingers together to choke strangers (I’m a RIOT at restaurants! I make people think they’re choking on alfalfa sprouts!)… But seriously YOU DON’T KNOW THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE!!! Sorry, that just sorta pops out every now and again. Long story longer and more convoluted – YOU DON’T KNOW THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE!!! Err… Lets assume you do know the power of there dark side so we can move on (for the record, it’s eh).

Listen: I had a pump implanted in my abdomen (left side), connected to a tube leading to my spine. This pump releases Baclofen (muscle relaxer/ joy juice) directly into my spine. Take that blood brain barrier!… I’m back! You may continue reading. Bet you didn’t even know I was gone! Being away doing chores as I just was, I’ve decided that I’d like to address one or two things not related to my brain. I will call these reflections “Prosaic Musings and Stuff” or PMS for short. Firstly, why is it that when you (or maybe it only happens to me? Do comment.) take a full trashbag out of your trash can, another empty bag doesn’t magically appear in its place? I come back to throw some sh.. away but there aren’t no bag! As if that’s not bad enough I have to put a new one in! It’s like a gift that keeps on giving, only it’s bad. It’s an “ungift”.
I have to go to bed now, next topic – Sunchips and the weirdo that names them (i.e. “harvest cheddar” how does one harvest cheddar? Doesn’t that imply that you have to grow cheddar? Even if that were possible, where does one acquire cheddar seeds?)…to be continued.

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