## Lily the Dog Here

Greetings, humans!

Fowawaplaberugu (food water walk play belly rub guy) went somewhere in his moving domicile (car) and he left the computer on with a web browser open and signed in to his blog. So I thought that I, Lily the dog, would tell you about life as a dog.

It is a common misconception that life as a dog is a breeze. Why, just the other day, the blue menace (a blue plastic bag) tried to kill me…excuse me, I need a nap.

Also, Fowawaplaberugu  only let me lick his bowl twice! TWICE! Egregious, I know.

I also have to defend Fowawaplaberugu from the people walking by outside our domicile. For the most part, my savage bark and my kill face keep them away: but occasionally, Fowawaplaberugu lets these people in. That’s when I have to unleash my most fearsome barking and growling…excuse me, I need a nap.

When we go for PEE-PEE as he calls it, there will be humans lurking out there, sometimes they try to TOUCH me! This aggression will not stand, so I poop on their lawns…excuse me, I need a nap.

Here’s a picture of me –

Humans call me “cute” and “precious” a lot. I guess those are different words to describe a vicious beast.

I better go now, I need to take a nap.

## Terd Compendium v1.0

I like big words and I cannot lie; you other brothers can’t deny…I don’t think the rest of the lyrics will work, plus I don’t know them. You see, I like words and I like efficiency/brevity (breviciency?). These two thingies grew reproductive organs, knew each other, and birthed the concept of a “Terd”. Terd = Term+Word, 2 words to make a new term. This term is a paradox as it is composed of 2 words.They are presented here in the order in which they were born, which happened to be by date, reversally. For example, I’ve started with 7/26 (Obviously)

Terd of 7/26-Text Massage(Text Msg.+ Massage): Receiving so many texts in a short period that the vibration can be used for a massage

Text Massage eg Gal: Who keeps texting you? Guy: Does it matter? I’m getting a nice text massage

Terd of the day-Buzzled(Buzzed+Puzzled): When drinking, the point where you start feeling drunk & everything’s confusing

Buzzled eg *At restaurant* Dude 1: The check is $38.16. How much is 15% for tip? Dude 2: IDK, I’m all buzzled Terd of 7/24-Amn’t(Am+not): Is not and are not get contractions, why not as not? Amn’t eg Dude: You want to eat? Gal: No thanks, I amn’t hungry. Dude: I really amn’t either Terd of 7/22-Toise(Twah-zey.Toys+Noise). Noise from toys that make it difficult to communicate Toise eg Mom: Honey, will you come kill this gigantic spider? Dad: What? I can’t hear you over Junior’s Toise Terd of 7/20 -Grammurder (Grammar+Murder): Writing with such poor grammar that the writer literally murders the written page. Grammurder eg Dude: Did you read my short story? Gal: Good storyline but you grammurdered it. Terd of 7/19-Tacknology(Tacky+Technology): Modern convenience that makes an already simple task more simple and makes you look ridiculous Tacknology eg Guy: I got a helmet to control the cursor on a PC Gal: Looks like you’ve a satellite dish on your head. That’s some tacknology Terd of 7/18-Nitwat(Nitwit+twat): A very unintelligent slut Nitwat eg Gal 1: Pam has been sleeping with everyone w/o using protection since breaking up with Tom Gal 2: What a nitwat! Terd of 7/13 – Hoblate (Ho-blah-tey. Honey+Black Tea)-A very bad combination. Hoblate eg Dude: I’ll wear brown belt & shoes, black slacks & blue sport jacket to the wedding. ok? Gal: How hoblate! That doesn’t match Terd of 6/29-Soysage (Soy+Sausage): Food that looks like sausage, and kinda tastes like sausage, but is not made from meat Soysage eg. Kid sits down for breakfast. Kid: This sausage tastes funny Mom: It’s vegetarian sausage. It’s healthy Kid: *Gags* not soysage! Terd of 6/22: ConNunchion (Connection+Nunchuck)-When your Wii can’t sense a nunchuck on your Wiimote. ConNunchion eg. Guy: “My controller doesn’t work!” Friend: “You lost your Connunchion dude.” Terd of .75 (3/4)-Funmer(Fun+Bummer)n:Happy/pleasant event that takes all the sadness/negativity from a scenario Funmer eg Worker: I was having a perfectly miserable day until Mick brought some donuts for the break room Mate: What a Funmer, man Terd of 3/2-Texacoma(Texaco+Coma):A catatonic state of shock resulting from hearing or seeing gas prices Texacoma eg Brother: What ‘s wrong with Dad? Sister: He heard the price of diesel on the news and went into a texacoma Terd of 2/27- Doormant(Doorman+Dormant): n. A lazy doorman Doormant eg *Man carrying 2 kids* Doorman, please open the door Doormant:Sorry sir, I’m busy *turns back to “Jersey Shore”, eats some candy* Terd 2/25-Injourney(Injury+Journey):1.Injury from a Journey/adventure 2.Injury caused by a journey/adventure Injourney eg 1 Jarrett’s Injourney began after having a brain hemorrhagein May ’09 Injourney eg 2 Mick injourneyed to the toilet after taking a drink of tap water while on vacation in Mexico Terd of 2/22-Sucksessful(Sucks+Successful): When you are very good at not doing well in your pursuits Sucksessful eg Man:I lost another case, honey Wife:Another one? Man: Yep. I am the firm’s most sucksessful lawyer Terd of 2/18-Failty(Fail+Fealty):To be loyal to failing, even in the face of imminent success Failty eg Guy 1:DUDE! How did you fail?I gave you all the answers! Guy 2:I’ve been failing all year,why should I stop now? Terd of 2/15-‘F’icacious(F word+Efficacious): Using the ‘F’ bomb to make something happen F’icacious eg Gal 1: May I borrow your car? Gal 2: No Gal 1: May I borrow your f’n car? Gal 2: Ok Terd of 2/13-Panegnacious(Panegyric+ Pugnacious): To exalt someone by assaulting him/her Panegnacious eg Mick was so impressed by the candidate’s speech that after the event he gave him 2 black eyes and a punctured lung Terd of 2/11-Amazombie(Amazon+Zombie):Person who mindlessly seeks merchandise on Amazon the way a zombie seeks brains Amazombie eg Gal 1: Did you hear that Kelsi bought frozen burritos from Amazon? Gal 2: She is a total Amazombie Terd of 2/9-Gregregious(Gregarious+Egregious):To be so sociable, it is offensive or annoying esp. w/social media Gregregious eg FB Friend: Selling a record player? That really need to be a status update? How Gregregious Terd of 2/8 -“On a droll” (On a roll+Droll): When a typically boring person becomes oddly humorous On a droll eg Gal:The accounting stiff won’t stop with mustache jokes. He said covering TPS reports is a must-ache Guy: He’s been on a droll Terd of the 2/6-Impotinent(Impertinent+Impotent): When it’s especially rude if/when a man can’t get it up Impotinent eg Gal 1: So I do a striptease for this guy and he still can’t get it up! Gal 2: Some men are so impotinent Irresistibullshit (Irresistible+Bullshit): A story or statement that is so preposterous, that you can’t possibly stop listening Irresistibullshit eg BF:…Then the guy said he has herpes bc of his mustache, the girls love it GF: What a bunch of Irresistibullshit, tell me more Terd of the Week 4-Somediquette (Social+Media+Etiquette): the rules, both tacit/overt, that guide behavior on social media sites Somediquette eg Gal: You hear Kim’s bf dumped her by changing his fb status to single? Gal 2: OMG! He needs a Somediquette lesson! Terd of 1/30 – Scisseared (Scissor + Ear): When your ear gets cut while getting a haircut Scisseared eg Stylist 1: You make pretty good money today? Stylist 2: I was doing pretty well, until I scisseared my 3:00 Terd of 1/28 -Unsanctivity (Unsanctioned+ Activity): An activity/event one has to endure that is not on the agenda Unsanctivity eg Driving to school Kid: Let’s stop for ice cream Dad: No way! We’re already running behind, ice cream would be an unsanctivity Terd of 1/25 – Alharm (Alarm+harm): An alarm system that hurts you to remind you to do something Alharm eg Gal: Sorry I’m late, I slept through my alarm Friend: Pain will wake you up, get an alharm Terd of the 1/23 – Goone (Good+One): A faster way to compliment someone on a job well done Goone eg 1 Guy telling joke:…No, but that sure is a nice ski mask *chortle* Listener: That’s a goone! Goone eg 2 Dad: Bet you can’t hit me with a snowball Son winds up, hits him square in the balls Dad (gasping): goone son. Terd of the 1/21-Quietc(Quiet+etc): The polite way to ask someone who has started to ramble to be quiet Quietc eg Start topic:gun control Guy:…I explained that M&Ms taste the same regardless of color Gal:The hell you goin on about?Plz be quietc Terd of 1/20-Impetumspect (Impetuous+ Circumspect): Thinking about committing a thoughtless act Gal:I’ve considered the issues, I’m going to vote republican Guy:Republicans don’t think much. Seems Impetumspect Terd of 1/18-Fotoe(Foe+Toe): An aching toe that causes you to walk funny Fotoe eg *Man limps into room* Guy: Hurt your knee? Man: It’s my toe, it’s killin me! Guy: Sounds like a fotoe Terd of 1/16-Blallpoint/Blullpoint pen(Black/Blue+ ballpoint pen): uhh…do I need to explain this one? Blallpoint/Blullpoint eg Guy:Hand me a blallpoint pen, please *Gives him a blue pen* Guy:No! Not blullpoint! I need blallpoint! Terd Of 1/15-Convertruder(conversation + intruder): person that starts the intersation (see previous Terd of 1/14) Girl:…So I told the guy THE MUFFIN SHOP IS CLOSED! Convertruder: I LOVE muffins! Blueberry is my fave! Terd of 1/14 – Intersation(interrupt+ conversation): New conversation that spawns from an interrupted conversation Intersation eg Gal: …rash got so bad I had to take my dog to the vet Passerby: Ooh, I’ve a dog! Her name is Cleo Terd of 1/12 – Divog(Diva+Dog): A dog that refuses to do something a dog should do. Variation: Prima Dogga Divog eg Fido refused to go walking in the rain for fear that he would step in mud. Owner: “Fido, Stop being such a divog” Terd of 1/11 – Perfert(Perfect+Pervert): A person who is flawlessly creepy and inappropriate Perfert eg Girl 1:The old man at the register kept staring at your tits! Girl 2 Yeah! He still gave me correct change. What a perfert Terd of the 1/10 – Moisterous (Moist+Boisterous): To become more obnoxious after getting wet Moisterous eg After getting thrown in a pond, a moisterous Mick decided to give his elderly grandmother a noogie Terd of 1/9 – Felying (Feline + Lying): Falsely accusing a cat Felying eg Mom: Who left the back door open, and will help pay the electric bill? Kid: The cat Cat: *meow* Terd of 1/7 – Daughtator(Daughter + Imitator): A mother who dresses and acts like her teenage daughter. Daughtator eg Chick 1:Who’s the old lady in the skinny jeans walking around with Jamie? Chick 2:That’s Jamie’s mom – she’s a real daughtator Terd of 1/6 – Populore(Popular+Lore): A legendary story (often fabricated) about how someone gained popularity Populore eg Legend has it that Mick gained superstar status at his HS by renting the gym to the rotary club for a dance Terd of 1/4 – Pondord(Ponder+Word): To take a moment to think of the right word Pondord eg Terrified, Mick stopped and pondord for a moment to describe his gf’s new haircut w/o hurting her feelings Terd of the Week 3-Traumedy(trauma+comedy): To sustain life-threatening injuries as a result of trying to be funny. Traumedy eg *At a bar* Mick was telling the story of his gf’s sex fart. His gf walked by, overheard and punched him giving him a concussion Terd of 12/31-Frusterical(Frustrating+Hysterical): Describes a situation that has become so frustrating, that one can’t help but laugh Frusterical eg *Carwash* man repeatedly puts$1 in change machine,after 5th rejection – man laughs uncontrollably Observer:How frusterical!

Terd of 12/30-Castrgate(Castrate+Castigate):To reprimand a man so badly that his testicles fall off.

Castrgate eg Dude1:Melvin’s gf verbally attacked him for using the wrong detergent Dude2:Had he balls to start,they’d have been castrgated

Terd of 12/28: Beyawesome(Beyond+Awesome):Object/event so spectacular that it would be an insult to simply refer to it as “awesome”

Beyawesome eg *Two friends find a tree with money for leaves* Friend 1: This is so cool! Friend 2: Recognize, fool! This is beyawesome!

Terd of 12/26 -Scute(So + Cute): someone or something so precious, it’s description goes beyond typical levels of cute.

Scute e. g. Dude: That motorcycle is precious! Another dude: I agree. It’s scute!

Terd of 12/21-Lote(Love + Hate): To simultaneously loathe and adore someone or something

Lote eg Chick: That dress is so hot! But the coloring is all wrong! Another chick: I agree. I lote it!

Terd of 12/21: Treachicious (Treacherous+Delicious): A tasty food that’s somehow perilous to eat

Treachicious eg Dude:This is tasty! Chick:Careful.It’s poisonous if not cooked right Dude: It’s treacherous and delicious.It’s treachicious!

Terd of 12/19 – Beautrosity (Beautiful+ Monstrosity): A terrifying concept that’s still alluring

Beautrosity Ex. Some Dude: “Erica is weird looking but I can’t look away” Another Dude: “Sounds like she’s a real beautrocity

Terd of 12/17: Preydator: Prey + Predator. To hunt and be hunted at the same time.

Preydator eg Nature show-Minotaur creeps up on a unicorn.Leprechaun appears and eats him up. Narrator: “So it is for a common preydator”

Terd of 10/14: Prolastic:Protective+Plastic. *Man fussing w/plastic on coffeemaker* Wife:done?I want coffee. Man:Damn prolastic won’t come off!

Terd of 10/12: Threatertainment-Threat+Entertainment. Example- Salesman: “3D TV may cause seizures.” Customer:”That’s Threatertainment!”

Terd of 1/6-Populore(Popular+Lore):A legendary story (often fabricated) about how someone gained popularity

Populore eg Gal 1:Why is that ugly, smelly guy so popular? Gal 2:Rumor has it that he once drank some gas & farted a fireball

Terd of 1/2-Traumedy(trauma+comedy): To sustain life-threatening injuries as a result of trying to be funny

Traumedy eg The dorky teacher wanted to spice things up, he did the stanky leg to a song about biology. He fell and broke his hip

Terd of 12/9:”Sardy”- Sorry+Tardy. Example: Teacher:”You’re 3 min late, Mr. Student.” Student:”Sardy, Mrs. Teacher. I had to the pee.”

Terd of 10/7: “Illustrilist”. Lovechild of illustrious and list.Ex.: “This party has fancy guests.” “Yeah, it’s quite the Illustrilist.”

Terd of 10/6: “bangry”, the lovechild of bored and angry Ex.: “How do you feel about this play?” “It’s making me bangry”

## Quinnism Compendium v2.1

My daughter, Quinn, says some pretty outlandish stuff. Soon after she started started speaking, I started recording some of her more memorable quotes and put them on The Bookface. This will be the third publication of the compendium. It didn’t earn 3.0 status because I’m pretty sure it’s incomplete. I suspect that the much maligned Timeline of The Bookface has eaten more than a few. For your convenience, I’ve started at 46 (obviously) and counted backwards (e.g. 45, 44, 43…etc.).

Quinnism #46 –
Watch out when liquid goes down the wrong tube, it might go down your arm tube.

Scenario:
Brushing our teeth, daddy takes a big drink of water and chokes
Me: *cough* “yes’m” *cough*
Q: “Like your arm tube?” *draws a line up her arm with her finger, looking at me with the cutest sincerity*
I chuckle, try to make the liquid go through the tube in my arm that isn’t there.

Quinnism #45 –

This…

Buried deep inside these seemingly random jumble of letters is the meaning of life or the key to the healthcare debate, maybe even the answer to the eternal question “Where’s the beef?”

Quinnism #44 –

She’s decides when you can make a mistake.

Explanation:

I put something in the wrong place.

Q: “Why you did that?”

PnQ: “Sorry, kid. I made a mistake.”

Q: “Don’t do that! You can only make mistakes when I tell you to!”

Essentially, when you make one mistake, you make two – the mistake itself and not having permission to make it.

Quinnism #43 –

Explanation:

*Outside at my “astructions”*

Q: “Hey daddy, come have a look at this bee. I think it’s dead.”

PnQ: “Should we bury it and sing some songs?”

*Q gets distracted, walks away from dead bee*

PnQ: “Where is this dead bee?”

*Q scans the area, can’t find the bee corpse*

Q (puzzled): “I don’t know. I think it buried itself.

Quinnism #42: the air tastes like cinnamon rolls.

This one is funny because we were in my car and we were miles away from a cinnamon roll. It’s also funny because of the way that she arrived at her answer –

Q: “The air smells good.”

PnQ: “What does it smell like?”

Q: “I don’t know; cinnamon? Cinnamon rolls?

It was as if she had to take a minute to think of something that smells good, and then she had to one up the answer.

Quinnism #41 –

Saying “please” and “thank you” make her neck hurt.

Explanation –

As is common among 4 year olds, Quinn can be pretty bossy. I do my darnedest to get her to take off her bossy britches by making her repeat the demand in the form of a question followed by “please” and if the request is granted, to say “thank you” – I have to do this quite a bit

Quinnism #40 –

She wishes she had a wishing start to make wishes

Q: “I wish I had a wishing star so I could make more wishes!”

*BANG!*

A wishing star appears after a sparkly, bright flash.

Wishing Star: “BEHOLD! The Wishing Star is come to grant you the deepest desire in your heart of hearts. What would you ask of the Wishing Star?”

Q (nose scrunched, deep in thought): “Hmm…I wish I had a wishing star so I could make more wishes!”

*BANG!*

The wishing star disappears and another appears in its place.

Next Wishing Star:”BEHOLD! The Wishing Star is come to grant you the deepest desire in your heart of hearts. What would you ask of the Wishing Star?”

and so on…

Quinnism #39 –
Her tongue produces soap that prevents her from coughing.
Explanation:
*In the car, I’m coughing profusely*
PnQ (me): “No. I just got some spit in my windpipe”
Q: “I never get spit in my pipes”
PnQ: “That must be nice. You’ll have to teach me how to do that”
Q: “Ok. When I get spit in my pipes my tongue lets out soap, so I won’t cough”
Perhaps the funniest part of this one is how she contradicts herself from one statement to the next.

Quinnism #38 –
Whitesboro, TX does not live up to its name.

Explanation:
*Driving back from Ardmore*

Q: “What’s this place?”
PnQ: “This is Whitesboro, kid.”
Q: “It’s not very white.”

This one would not qualify as a Quinnism on its own. Recall Quinnism #33: Lone Grove = Lone Grow-ve. I thought this would compliment that one nicely.

Quinnism #37 –
She has found a drink composed of coffee, soda and spaghetti.

Explanation: Taking a bath the other night, she slurps up songs bubbles and the following conversation ensues:

Q: “Daddy, would you like some coffee soda?”

PnQ: “Coffee soda? Never heard of it. Sounds delicious.”

Q: “Yeah. This batch is made with spaghetti.”

I will call this revolutionary new drink/food “SoSpaFee.”

Here is the commercial –

* man walks in the door exhausted by the day*

Man: “Honey, I’m home. What’s for dinner?”

Woman (playing video games in the parlor): “I haven’t started anything, what are you in the mood for?”

Man (face scrunched in thought): “I want coffee. No, I want soda. No, I want spaghetti. Ah heck, I don’t know what I want!”

(Stomps foot in frustration)

*announcer appears*

Announcer: “Has this ever happened to you? Here at Q foods, we understand that sometimes you just want soda, coffee and spaghetti at the same time; that’s why we’re proud to announce SoSpaFee, a delectable mixture of soda, coffee and spaghetti.

Try all the flavor combos, like cherry cola, French roast, and spaghetti with marinara. And don’t forget about dad’s favorite – root beer, penne pasta with vodka sauce with Italian roast.

Available now at your local grocery store in the pasta, coffee and/or the soda aisles. Heck, it might be with the automotive products for all I know.

Quinnism #36:

to reach your destination, all you have to do is pass a trashcan sign, turn. After you have done this, pass another trashcan sign, turn – then you’re there.

Setting – in my car, driving to swimming lessons in Denison.
Q: “I hope we’re not lost.”
PnQ: “I think they were okay, kid.”
Q: “Oh yeah, we just have to turn by that trashcan sign, then find another trashcan sign, turn; then will be there!”

I have to note that there was no trashcan sign, or a trashcan to be seen. Moreover, I’m not even sure what a “trashcan sign” is.

*Removes foot from mouth*

Quinnism #35

Q LOVES onion rings…

…that’s it! I think it’s pretty funny that a 4 year old is so ravenous about onion rings!

Quinnism #34(No #) –

Who’s on first, Q style:

Q: “What flavor is this?”

Me: “That’s a mystery flavor.”

Q: “Why it’s a mystery flavor?”

Me: “You have to taste it to figure out what flavor it is.”

Q: “Why you have to taste it first?”

Me: “Because it’s a mystery flavor.”

…and so on.

This conversation is still hanging over lake Texoma somewhere.

Quinnism #33

Lone Grove = Lone Grow-‘ve

Scenario:

Driving to my parent’s house (in Lone Grove, OK) –

Q: “Where are we?”

PnQ: “This is Lone Grove, kid.”

Q: “Ooh, we must be because I can see things growing”

My kid has very powerful senses.

Quinnism #32 (Qism #1) –

It is taboo to bite your straw on Sunday or Monday.

Setting – my apartment after picking up some food. I had just taken a drink of her chocolate milk through a straw that she practically pinched closed from biting.

PnQ: “Why do you always bite your straw, Quinn?”

Q: “Because I like to.”

PnQ: “Why do you like to?”

Q: “Because I can’t do it on Sunday or Monday!”

PnQ: “So you have to get in as much straw biting as possible on Friday?”

Q: “Yes, I can’t do it on Sunday or Monday.”

Keep an eye on your child’s straw on Sundays and Mondays – if they bite down on them they are breaking a very important social mores

Quinnism #31

When playing basketball, the ball is thrown through a “hoot”.

Scenario: at the sporting goods store

Patron: “is this basketball rim free?”

Owner: “I won’t give a hoot!”

Quinnism #30

I, daddy, will age in reverse (get “even small”) until the coming summer, at which point I will resume growing “forward”. If I appear shorter over the next ~6 months, it’s okay, things are as they should be.

Quinnism #29

Scenario: eating at Chuck E. Cheese. An employee dressed as Chuck emerges from the employee entrance to the kitchen, which helps to be by the bathrooms.

Q: “Did Chuck E. Cheese have to go to the baff-woom?”

Quinnism #28

When Q gets “knocked over” (October) she will be four years old.

Quinnism #27

There was once a one legged dinosaur.

Scenario: driving to see mommy’s new school, talking about dinosaurs (what else?) –

PnQ: “Weren’t there dinosaurs with long necks?”

Q: “Yeah, and some dinosaurs only had one leg.”

PnQ: “One leg? How did they run?”

Q: “They just stand.”

Quinnism #26

She is a as tall as she’ll ever be.

Setting: Barnes & Noble kids area; and to train playing with another kid.

Q: “I’m growing all the time.”

PnQ: “Mommy says I used to be small, like a baby. I didn’t even have teeth.”

Q: “I stopped growing three hours ago.”

She’ll be able to ride the kiddy rides and play on the play areas at restaurants FOREVER!

Quinnism #25

Scooby-Doo and SpongeBob Squarepants rule the world

Scenario: on the way home from school on a hot day

PnQ: “Quinn, do you wanna get a frosty beverage from Sonic this?”

Q: “No fanks (thanks)

PnQ: “Suit your self, I’m going to give myself something. You don’t have to get something.”

Q: “You can’t!”

PnQ: “Yes I can, it’s a free country.”

Q: “No, it’s not.”

PnQ: “is it a Quinnocracy?”

Q: “No.”

PnQ: “Who rules the world?”

Q: ”SpongeBob SquarePants and Scooby-Doo rule the world.”

Pretty soon, Scooby snacks will be the world currency and blowing bubbles will be in the Olympic sport.

Quinnism #24

Running in place causes you to catch fire.

Scenario: driving home from school, fire truck drives by sirens blazing.

Q: “Firetrucks use water to put out fires.”

PnQ: “You’re right, Quinn.”

Q: “Yeah, I will be on fire if I run in place.”

Qutism (general cuteness, not related to Qs odd comments) –

Setting: exam room at Dr. Office. Q sits on the Dr. stool.

Q: “I be the doctor. What seems to be the problem?”

PnQ: “My stomach hurts. My leg hurts. I’ve been choking (throwing up). What’s wrong with me?”

Q: “I don’t know! You need ice-pack and a pinch (shot).”

Next stop, med school.

Quinnism #23 (She’s been on fire with her three year old logic!) –

Necessary = a person

Example –

(In the backyard, Q throws a pitcher full of toys and water from the top of her playhouse.)

PnQ: “Was that necessary?”

Q: “No, that was me.”

Quinnism #22 –

Pokey the horse cannot get sick by virtue of the fact that he is Pokey the horse.

Example –

Gumby (sick with the flu again): “Why don’t you ever get sick, Pokey?”

Pokey: “Because I’m Pokey, the horse.”

Gumby: “Oh yeah.”

I wonder, if you were to eat a toy Pokey, would you be immune to all illnesses? Medical science might be barking up the wrong tree!

Quinnism #21

‘Even’ is a modifier in and of itself, no superlative or comparative suffix necessary.

Example –

Q: “You’re driving too fast daddy”.

PnQ: (slows down) “Is that better?”

Q: “Can you go even slow?”

Quinnism #20 –

Basketball = any activity with a ball.

Golf, basketball, baseball all fall under the “baseketball” umbrella.

Quinnism #19 –

Worms live in tree “snaps” (sap) and they turn into “tigers and monsters”. So watch out when you see tree snaps, there could be worms on the verge of transforming into tigers and/or monsters. Who Knew tree snaps was so ominous?

Quinnism #18 –

I can’t really preface this one, so here it is –

PnQ: “L E T S G O! Let’s go, let’s go!”

Q: “G O S C Y (inaudible) 11 12 telemetry (I guess) blast off!”

Quinnism #17 –

As it concerns batteries, the amount is irrelevant.

Q: “Daddy, I need 4 batteries to take to mommy.”

PnQ: “only 4?”

Q: “I need 2 batteries”

Quinnism #16 –

Unless you want your free will taken away and quit whatever you’re doing, avoid these words when with Quinn:

Walk, Park, Pool, Ice cream, DVD player, Cookie, Pie

There are more, can’t think of them. Letting one of these words will open the floodgates in Qs head, pouring that item into her brain. Her mind gets so flooded that the excess flows out of her mouth into your brain, this process continues until your mind suffocates and you’re forced to give her the item.

Quinnism #15 –

Giving three reasons up front for not sleeping in your own bed is far more efficient than giving one reason at a time.

For example –

Q: in her room, screaming bloody murder.

Mommy/Daddy goes to check on her: “What’s wrong, baby Q?”

Q: I sick. I thirsty. I need to go potty.”

One of them is bound to work.

Quinnism #14 –

She’ll be “sea-turtle” years old on her next birthday.

For example –

PnQ: “How old are you gonna be?”

Q: (abruptly) “Sea-turtle”

Quinnism #13 –

A sticker is trying to kill her.

Scenario –

Picked her up from daycare on Friday, she got a sticker for using the potty all day (woot!). After we got her in her car seat she tore it off and it got stuck to her finger. This trauma lead her to conclude that the sticker was trying to kill her.

Luckily, she survived.

Quinnism #12 –

PBJ (grape) uncrustable = purple cheese.

There used to be a grilled cheese “uncrustable” but the jackasses that made it stopped (I blame Satan), Quinn basically lived off of them. After we couldn’t get them anymore (and lots of \$@&””@ing expletives), we opted for the PBJ version and the “purple cheese” was born.

Quinnism #11 –

She got bit by a lion on the face.

For instance –

*Q takes a drink of water*

Q: “Ouch, a lion bit me on the face”

Lesson-

Don’t buy Aquafina bottled water, there are lions in it.

Aside – Q’s face is fine.

Quinnism #10 –

Unexhibit = unzip

For instance –

Q: “I unexhibit”

Say that last part about 40 times and it’ll work.

Original message from Q, she ran up and took over the iPad as I was typing Quinnism #10 – uxzsasaawwqwwse re t. Y ygggvtttttrrtyui ytyuibi op

Quinnism #9 –

A dress must be called a shirt. If she finds out it’s a dress, she will rip it off.

Quinnism #8 –

Any crescent shaped food is a “hamana” ( banana) –

Scenario: Q is taking an inkblot test –

Psychiatrist: “what do you see?”

Q: “a hamana”

Psychiatrist pulls out a new card: “how about now?”

Q: “A hamana”

And so on.

Quinnism #7 –

At this time of night, it’s too dark to have a mommy.

For example – no @~_\/\in clue, came outta nowhere.

Quinnism #6 –

Off = off and on.

For example –

PnQ: “It’s dark in here.”

Q: “Turn the light off (on).”

Quinnism #5 –

There are two colors, orange and green.

For example –

PnQ: “What color is that (blue) ball?”

Q: Gween!

She doesn’t have trouble identifying orange…all other colors are green.

Quinnism #4 –

Choke = vomit

For example –

PnQ: “Quinny, do feel okay?”

Q: “No, I sick. I choke.

Quinnism #3 –

You cannot be naked if your name is Quinn.

For example –

PnQ: “You’re naked, Quinny.”

Q: “No, I Quinn”

Wish that were my name, I’d never have to buy clothes again.

Quinnism #2 –

You can’t be pretty and busy at the same time.

For example: pnQ – “Quinn, you’re so pretty”

Quinn – “No, I busy”

Makes perfect sense, eh?

Quinnism #1 –

You can’t be cute and wear a shirt at the same time.

For example – person who is not Quinn(hereafter referred to as PnQ): “You are so cute”.

Quinn: “No, I wear shirt”.

Comprende?