Morning Fun Time with Four Jarretts, p. 1: Taskmaster Jarrett

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As promised, here is the first part of the “Morning Fun Time with Four Jarretts” series. I thought I’d start with Taskmaster Jarrett because he is usually the most vocal and also, he ordered me to. I will run through a typical morning from the perspective of each of the four Jarretts. Here we go:

5:15: Alarm goes off. Check the time –
5:15? I better hurry.

Hobble into the kitchen to turn on the coffee pot –
Can’t you move any faster? Do you really need coffee anyway?

Go to bathroom to brush teeth and take morning meds –
Why didn’t you get your meds ready last night?

Finish brushing my teeth, go back to kitchen to get a cup of coffee –
This is taking too long. What else can be done right now? MULTITASK! You should’ve poured coffee while you were brushing.

Pour coffee, go back to the bathroom for a shower; check time –
5:25! Have I fallen into some sort of warp zone where time moves twice as fast?
*I don’t have to get to work until 7:30.

Get done with shower, check time again –
5:35! Maybe I can get by not walking the dog this morning.

Comb hair, put on deodorant. Gather phone and coffee to take into room –
I can get the phone later, I don’t have time for that right now. This is an unsanctioned activity.
I use this term pretty frequently. An unsanctioned activity is any activity that is not planned and/or takes longer than expected.
Walk into room with dirty clothes. Consider putting the dirty clothes in the hamper, but then I’d have to move something off the lid.
You don’t have time to put them in there, just throw them on the floor.

Start getting dressed – remember to put my leg brace on.
Not the leg brace! You’ll be fine!
Therapist Jarrett interjects: It’ll be more time consuming when you tear your ACL.
Taskmaster Jarrett sees the logic, begrudgingly acquiesces: Hmph!

Put on knee brace and clothes – check the clock about 5 times.
5:58? You should be walking the dog right now. Take an apple while you walk the dog; breakfast on the go.

Get to the front door, dog frenzied with excitement – so spastic that I have trouble hooking the leash on her collar.
This is an unsanctioned activity, she needs to be still so we can get the leash on and go!

Get the leash on, poop bag in back pocket and potty treats in breast pocket. Walk out the door, lock up (I’m very paranoid), start walking.
OH NO! You forgot your apple! I guess you don’t need to eat (this is not a joke; there have been several occasions where stopping to eat has been branded an “unsanctioned activity”)

Get back from the walk. Look at clock.
FINALLY! That took forever! 6:09?!? Did time speed up while we were outside?

Stomach growls, I head to the kitchen to get something to eat and coffee.
It needs to be something easy to eat; time is short.

Grab an apple and a protein bar.
There you go. Good thinking!

Again, I don’t have to be at work until 7:30, but Taskmaster Jarrett gets upset if I don’t get there by 7:10.
I think I’ve made the point that, as a result of taking longer, an overzealous efficiency expert has surfaced. I know some of this seems made up, but I assure you that this is typical behavior for Taskmaster Jarrett.
This conclusion is turning into an “unsanctioned activity”. Next time, a morning with Therapist Jarrett.

“Timesaver” #2: Taking a shower – I noticed the inside liner of the shower curtain is not inside the tub. I decide that it will take too long to correct it. As a result, the mat outside the shower gets soaked


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