Yad Sdrawkcab and The “Science” of Numoronology

This magic science employs elements of algebra, geometry, voodoo, music, lighting & poultry
Numeronology Logo with Border
This magic science employs elements of algebra, geometry, voodoo, music, lighting & poultry

A few weeks ago, everything got turned around on me. Literally. On Saturday, October 12th, a day that will live in ymafni, almost every piece of clothing I ventured to dawn came out backwards.

Let’s break this down so it kinda seems scientifical. Backwards day was October 12, 2013. My surgery was the third day of September, in that foul year of our Lord, 2009.

According to this website, 1501 days elapsed between those dates. Significance? 15+0+1=16. The 16th letter of our alphabet is ‘p’.¬† ‘P’ rhymes with, and is the first letter of ‘pee’ – which is what I must do now…

I’m back, moving on – ‘p’ is also the first letter of the word ‘polar’. In this case, polar has a dual meaning. On the one hand, it’s getting cold outside. We often use said word to denote extreme cold. On the other hand, polar is often placed in front of opposite to suggest something is out of order.

This brings us back to my clothes inversion excursion (exversion?). Anyway, the details are thus –

1# ecnatsnI – As per my usual Friday routine, I put gym shorts on under my pants. At some point that I don’t recall, I decided to put the shorts on both backwards AND inside out.

2# ecnatsnI  РI changed clothes after working out. Did I put the shirt on backwards? Yeppers. Did I fix the shirt to walk my dog? No.

3# ecnatsnI – I took the shirt mentioned in 2# ecnatsnI off after walking said dog and, being so unadorned, I deemed it uncouth to greet the visitor so gently rapping on my chamber door. Away to my dresser I flew like a turtle and grabbed a shirt. I carefully inspected the inside of the collar for the tag, swearing that, henceforth, I shall put my clothes on correctly.

Despite my oath, the damn shirt ended up going on backwards – I blame Fruit of the Loom (this blog brought to you by Hanes “You can’t put our shirts on backwards, we won’t explain how this is possible, you just can’t.”).

Continuing with our / numerilogical/historical/chronological(I will call this new “science” numoronology – notice the five letters after ‘nu’), the square root of 16 (being the sum of 15+0+1) is four. I took the square root because only “squares” where their clothes backwards.

Four is significant because that is the number of botox injections I got in my foot for the last treatment.

I’ve tried with little success to describe the pain that comes from injections in the foot – I’ll give it another shot. To experience this very unpleasant…uhh…experience follow this four step process –

1. Get a long, sharp object (i.e. a needle)

2. Take off your shoe

3. Take off your sock

4. Take the needle from step one and impale the bottom of your exposed for with it four f*cking times!

Please forgive my lack of creativity with that description. You see, I can think of no feeling, painful or otherwise, that compares to a needle stick (nay, four needle sticks) in the bottom of the foot.

However, the pain is worth it after the botox starts to work its magic on my toe flexors.

Listen, after my hemorrhage/surgery, some wires done got crossed and now my toes think my brain wants them to curl all the time.

My brain my or may not be sending a signal to curl so vigorously, but my toes are hearing “CURL, DAMMIT! CURL UNTIL YOUR TOES POINT BACKWARDS!”

Ok, let’s recap. I started by mentioning yad sdrawkcab (backwards day) and finished with curling toes. numoronology is a truly dizzying, convoluted science.

FIN

@JarrettLWilson

Oh yeah, in observance of NaNoWriMo, I don’t plan to blog for the month of November – toodles!

102 Is The Loneliest Number…

This will be post 102. I’d hoped to mark the occasion of my 100th post by giving away 100 pillowcases or some such thing, but I let the landmark pass me by.

But, FEAR NOT, internet! Who says post 102 can’t be treated with great fanfare? After all, it’s higher than the oft celebrated 100.

To mark this monumental occasion, I thought I’d look back through my posts and talk about how far I’ve come. Isn’t that a wonderful idea? OF COURSE IT IS!

To give me some direction, I’ll create a list of 100 things I’ve learned from living with a TBI and reference posts that relate. I’m not going to list all 100 right now. Rather, I’ll break them into sets of 10 over the next several weeks.

Before I start I need to share something. For whatever reason, I haven’t been in a funny mood lately.

That doesn’t mean I’ve been a grump. For purposes of this blog that means I’m going to approach this list from an informational point of view.

You see, others with brain afflictions have been asking for my input. I’d like to slant this list more as informational rather than funny. I can’t promise some funny won’t ooze out like so much puss from a blister. What I’m trying to say is, read and be informed, dammit!

That said, here goes 100 things I’ve learned, one through ten –

1. Patience – I didn’t even look through my blog for this one because if there’s one thing that permeates your life after a TBI, it’s slowness. I don’t think it’s an accident that ‘weight’ and ‘wait’ are homonyms.

Listen, I’ve been through YEARS of rehab. A very popular item for physical therapists working with individuals with ataxia is the ankle weight. I’m getting off topic here.

The point is that everything takes longer. For instance, I fiddled with a caribiner clip and the loop on a water bottle for about three minutes on Friday. I know that doesn’t sound long, but to Ta-Ja (Taskmaster Jarrett – more info. HERE ), it was an “egregious unsanctioned activity”.

I’ve become a bit neurotic about maximizing my time. In fact, I poked fun at myself for the silly ways that I make/save time (see more HERE, HERE, HERE & HERE).

You’ve been very patient if you’re still reading. What I’m saying is my life is full of tedium – gotta be patient.

That one was too long. I’ll do more better, I swears.

2. A thing or two about Neuro-anatomy: Early on, I learned all that I could about my affliction to be my own advocate. I have continued educating myself because I’m interested, there’s much to know, I wish to advocate/educate (eduvocate? Advucate?) others and because I get to learn and use big words like “proprioception” (the brain’s perception of where the limbs are).

I’m getting carried away again, read more about my understanding of the brain HERE and HERE

3. Know your body: It’s true what they say (aside: who are “they”?), the body is a temple. In the same vein as the previous point on this list (previoint?) , I believe that one should be mindful of the things one puts into/subjects one’s body to.

This is an overused cliche, but it’s spot on – think of your body as a car. If you put crap gas (heh, poop) into the car it’ll ruin like crap. With the body/temple, the same principle applies.

I don’t think I’ve ever written on this topic directly – you’ll just have to take my word for it. Also, here’s a picture –

EVERYBODY must get stone! (temple)
EVERYBODY must get stone! (temple)

4 & 5. Therapy axioms – “slow & steady wins the race” and “nose over toes”: TJTW (The Jarrett That Was – more info HERE and HERE) was a rabbit, not always on the move, but very capable of keeping up with or exceeding the speed of life.

This part of TJTW has morphed into Ta-Ja (Taskmaster Jarrett, mentioned above). I had to learn to slow down, that speed is no longer an option if I wish to do things right. I still struggle with this concept.

In essence, I’m a rabbit stuck in a turtle’s body.

“Nose over toes” is a simple rhyme that helps one with bad balance stand up. I’ve also learned that this quip helps me to know where my center of gravity is.

OK, folks. I know that I said that I would list one through ten, but the intro and the first five have already made this post far too long to fit into one post. Henceforth, I shall try not to be so verbose and just give the “straight dope”. I will post five through ten tomorrow. If you would like for me to expound upon something, leave a comment.

FIN

@JarrettLWilson

The Video Game That Never Ends and White Out On My Brainstem

Greetings!

A week ago Friday I saw my neurosurgeon, he told me I had had a “micro-bleed”. My only symptom was and remains double vision. It is slowly but surely subsiding, but still noticeable (to me anyway, you probably wouldn’t notice). Anyway, it’s turned me into a bit of a wimp. I’m constantly afraid that it’s going to explode again. I could tell you about that where I just write “Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy” over and over again or I can go to a very special TBI is… Hmmm, I can’t think of anything to write so…

Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy.

Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy.

Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy.

Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy.

Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy.

Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy.

Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy.

Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy.

Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy.

Fear of a massive hemorrhage makes Jarrett a dull boy.

Ok, I’ve changed my mind. TBI is…Topic not about Brain Injury. Allow me to discuss with you, dear readers, the racket that is “Skylanders: Giants”. Listen, my daughter loves boy stuff. McDonald’s mistakenly put a girl toy in her happy meal once and I’m pretty sure she wrote to congress about it. Skylanders: Giants is a video game where you walk around “Skyland,” squash bad guys and collect loot. Here is a trailer.

The “racket” I’m referring to is the fact that the game doesn’t work unless you have a “portal of power” and a Skylander to place onto that portal. The “starter pack” provides the game, portal and three Skylanders. I propose that the “starter pack” be renamed the “gateway pack” because once a kid starts, it becomes a feverish addiction. You see, by placing a Skylander on the portal of power, that character enters the game as a playable, uhh…character. In essence, the game is never complete – there are always more Skylanders. Truly, there are. The creators have it all thought out, just when you think you have all 816 characters, they release the “Skylanders: Kitchen Staff” characters. Ever wonder what Tree Rex eats? How did Swarm get so big? See what’s cookin with the new “Skylanders: Kitchen Staff” figurines. Collect all 378! Over the weekend, Q was walking around inspecting my apartment to find chores so that she could earn more Skylanders. When I was a boy, it was enough that you purchased a game; end of transaction.

One more thing – TidBit of Information, clever, no?

I finally requested my MRI scans from UT Southwestern. At first they said no, then I said please and NO ONE, not even fancy hospitals can deny a request when you utter the magic word.

Moving on, I received said scans in the mail a few days ago and have selected a few to show you.

This first one was done on the 24th of May, in that foul year of our Lord, 2009. The white spot on my brainstem is White Out (this blog brought to you by Bic). My hands were all wet one day and I needed to write something down (I needed more toilet paper, I think). The next best place to scribble a quick note? Obviously, the brainstem. After I got TP I didn’t need the note anymore so I whited it out.

I jest. It’s actually the cavernoma, the white emanating from it is Whi…blood

big hemorrhage

The next scan was taken on the 4th of September, in that foul year of our Lord, 2009. This was the day after the cavernoma was removed. Squeaky clean, no?

after surgery

 

FIN

@JarrettLWilson