Preregistration – A Harmless Word, or a Blight Upon the English Language? You Decide.

So I’m driving home from the theatre (I seen Shawn the Sheep with Quinnchild, I highly recommend it. Riveting!) And I must’ve seen the word “register” or “registration” on a sign somewheres. The tunnels and wiring of my brain conspired that I should contemplate the term “pre-register”. Upon considering that lazy, ugly term, I was filled with malice towards it that only myself and perhaps Merriam and Webster can experience (those poor saps have to see it in print and convince the world and themselves that it isn’t such an abomination, so it could be worse).

Moving on, my beef with that most heinous of contrived verbiage comes from the arrogance and presumption of its first use. I imagine it went something like this –

Yuppie business owner: There simply must be some way to sucker more money out of these proles. My cut from the $10 registration fee gross barely covers the gas to get here.

Yuppie volunteer lady: It’s a shame that we can’t charge for an interview.

Yuppie business owner: I KNOW! We’ll sell concessions.

Yuppie volunteer lady: Are you kidding? These people are so uptight and afraid for their job situation, they would sooner starve than risk staining their best clothes.

Yuppie business owner: Good point.

Yuppie volunteer lady: Here’s an idea – we’ll have an early registration period at regular cost, then the usual registration for $5 more. People will think they’re getting a deal for registering early, but they’re really paying full price and the rest are actually getting penalized!

Yuppie business owner: That’s splendid, Delia! We will have to rename it – “Early registration” sounds like registering early in the registration period. The common man is a sap for things cleverly titled. Or how about pre-booking?

Delia (yuppie volunteer lady): Heavens, Warren! We’re not taking bets, this isn’t a horse race! What about “pre-register”?

Warren (yuppie business owner): BINGO!…

Clearly, my hatred of this term has unbalanced my sense of comprehensive expression and caused me to meander through the fields of structured discourse like a duckling that’s lost its mother. I’ll get straight to the point –
Listen, “pre-registration” is still registration. It’s just wrapped up to look like a special privilege.

It’s like warming up before playing a sport – if you get there earlier you still warm-up, you just warm up longer. Maybe you’ll be more prepared than everyone else, but you still play in the same game as the rest of the guys.

I know I don’t have to justify this post, but I feel lousy about it. Thing is, I enjoy blogging and I haven’t felt inspired to write anything until “preregister” invaded my mind. So, here’s to a new beginning! Also, the Windows 10 upgrade takes FOREVER!

FIN

@JarrettLWilson