What’s behind that friggin door?

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UPDATE! The Skylander racket has sucked me in as well. It’s not enough that it sunk (sank? I know – saunk!) Retry – It’s not enough that it saunk it’s foul teeth into my beloved daughter, who now answers everything with “Skylanders.” For example –

Me: “Q, what would you like for dinner?”

Me: “Q, does Lily (dog) need food or water?”
Q: *Stops playing Skylanders to check* “ugh, Skylanders.”

Anyway, the Skylanders racket is thus – beyond the innate need to diversify the gaming experience with more characters, said characters are divided into “elements.” Occasionally, a guy that reminds me of a skinny Santa Claus comes on and says “Skylanders of the [name of element] element are stronger in this zone.” In essence, the game is enhanced by possessing more elements. Near as I can figure, there are exactly n+1 elements, with n being the number of elements you have. This means that it is impossible to possess every element because if you do, your kid won’t be an icepick in your ear until you get him/her that last elusive element. Then, those assclowns at Activision might lose money and the employees might have to *gasp* drive domestic cars!

Anyway, I bring all this up because there are spots in the game where you have to have a character from every element to open a series of doors to get what I can only imagine are the winning lottery numbers. I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT’S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT FRIGGIN DOOR! It makes me think of the case in Pulp Fiction, you know it has something shiny and wonderful, but it never gets revealed.



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