The Curious Case of the Impaled Foot and the Inaugural Terd

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Notice that the bottom of my foot has a needle in it
Notice that the bottom of my foot has a needle in it
Notice that the bottom of my foot STILL has a needle in it
Notice that the bottom of my foot STILL has a needle in it

I’m not sure if I should joke about this. If it offends you, make believe I didn’t write it or that it says something you really like (e.g. it’s free car day at every car dealer ever, or the forecast tomorrow calls for $100 bills to rain down all day, and so on).

Here goes – I think I found way for men to experience the pain of childbirth. Listen, I got a shot in my foot and it freaking hurt! I’ve been through a lot: brain surgery, implant surgery, braces, middle school, middle school with braces; I can truly say that nothing prepared me for a shot in the middle of my foot. Think of it like this – a needle shaped object pierces a very sensitive part of your body, we’ll say…the back of your knee. Scratch that, the bottom of your foot is pretty sensitive, we’ll go with that. When you can wrap your mind around that, you’ll have a pretty good idea of what it is to be STABBED on the bottom of your foot – I’ll never be the same.

– And now, page two –

What I’m about to write will begin a new segment here at CavernofMyMind, Inc. I like words, I like efficiency (I also like donuts, but unfortunately, they don’t figure into this). Let’s say that efficiency lay with words and begat a child, that child would be named “Fun with Words”. Coincidentally, that is also the name of this new segment.

Technically, the new words conceived this way will always be a cross between two words, this makes it a term, but that word is boring. Therefore, I propose the term “terd” (term + word). The use of this term is something of a paradox – “terd” is itself a term that is composed of two words. In essence, “terd”is the first terd.

The terd for today’s Fun with Words is “bangry”. This terd is the lovechild of bored and angry. The library lady where I work was telling a story about her mom being “bored and angry”. Being the efficiency expert that I am, I conceived “bangry” on the spot. Think of all the time she could’ve saved if she had said one word instead of two. The effective use of this terd is as follows: let’s say you’re a dude, and your girlfriend drags you to a girlie play that you have no interest in. You’re already angry for having to go and now you have to watch a boring play. The artsy emo chick at the concession booth who wants a part in the play, but doesn’t get one so she works the concession booth to be “close to the magic,” asks how you are doing. You reply, “I’m bangry.” With the time you saved from saying one word instead of two, you’ll be able to get back to your seat in time for the second half of the play. Doing this will certainly make you “bangrier” (or would it be “more bangry”?).

This concludes the inauguration of Fun with Words, and this blog entry. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and don’t come away bangry.



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