I’ve spent my career in education. The world of education is festooned with Acronyms. As a result, I’ve developed an Acute Compulsion to Rearrange Objects into Names to Yield More Significance. You might say I’m an acronymphomaniac, even though I’m a dude. Moving on, I’m no longer in education, but my obsession with acronyms lives on. In this series, I’m going to provide the words that, in my mind, describe three establishments of our culture – Apple, Walmart and Starbucks. That said, this post is not meant to disparage the fine products of the three corporate icons I’m about to “acronymize” (except Apple. Having an iPhone is sorta like having an awesome phone (read: an Android), but it comes with an Apple rep who slaps your wrist ever time you even think about purchasing content not authorized by Apple, and if you manage to get outside content on your iPhone, the rep laughs derisively, chiding, “Fool! iOS doesn’t support [insert content name]”).
Naturally, I have to begin with Apple now – Apple stands for “Average Products Presumably on the Leading Edge”
I’ll admit that iOS is a very user friendly, intuitive operating system. It’s just that Apple polices it the way a jealous, overbearing boyfriend would look after a girlfriend – no communication with unapproved parties, can’t go anywhere without his permission (if you do, you’ll pay for it), and he only makes a change after you scream in his ear and threaten to break up with him (I was an iPhone user until the disappointment of the iPhone 5, so I broke it off with “him”).
Listen, iPhone is like the marijuana of smartphones; that is to say, it’s a gateway smartphone. At first, it was great – then I needed more. So I jailbroke it, a lot. A jailbroken idevice will take you “higher”, if you will, but I just knew there was more.
A quick note about jailbreaking 4+ years ago. Jailbreaking allowed an iuser to do many things that Apple would brag about adding a few years later – stuff like WiFi sync and turning the status bar into a connection and notification hub – stuff Android had been doing for years – hence the acronym.
Anyway, if a plain ol’ iPhone is Mary Jane, then a jailbroken iPhone is cocaine and an Android is the big H.
The point of that analogy is, if you’re going to do drugs, go big or go home (of course, you’ll want to go home after you go big, you might be a little disoriented).
Next, let’s talk about that titan of “Great Value” (the food might not taste very good, but it was a great value). I speak, of course, of Walmart. I don’t want to put too much in this post; I was explaining to my daughter, a rabid YouTuber and budding video artist that most viewers/readers are turned off by content that’s too long. That being my philosophy, I’ll stop here and continue next week.
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FIN
@JarrettLWilson