The Magnet in My Head and Scurvy

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Happy Easter (HappEaster?), internet!
Recall from last week my trip to the ER and my helicopter ride (I was going to say free, but I think it cost the insurance company about $17,000; I would’ve paid it myself but I just purchased a yacht to go with my beach house in Maui). The next entry on July 1st, 2009 reads thusly –
The Target Incident
I have to post this because it’s funny. On the way back from Zale, my dad and I stopped at Target to fill my prescriptions. We waited for what seemed like an eternity (I think it was 30 minutes or so), all the while, I was stumbling around like a drunk. On our way out, an employee was coming in through the out door, I just had to inform her of this. I told her then promptly slammed into the same door she was mistakenly entering. Gonna keep my mouth shut from now on.
An early symptom from the hemorrhage (this one was kinda fun) was impulsivity; I had no inner monologue – if a clever thought popped into my head, twould be uttered. In this case, I just had to inform this “team member” who OBVIOUSLY should’ve known better that she was using the wrong portal. I already had trouble doing two things at once, an injured noodle only further compounds my multitasking ineptitude (ineptitasking?). My point is that walking AND talking AND pointing out a social faux pas was very dangerous indeed. How can I be expected to do all that and NOT run into something?
The last entry on July 1st reads –
Back to (a) Hospital
Jess and my dad worked diligently to get me into inpatient care. After a few days, I was admitted to a rehab hospital in Allen called Twin Creeks. I have been there for about six weeks. The staff has been phenomenal (though there have been a few incidents) and the food is great. My progress has been steady…but still a ways to go. When I got to Twin Creeks I couldn’t walk, barely talk and could hardly stand up straight. As of this writing, I am able to walk (assisted) with a walker, balance myself while standing, talk and type (obviously). I still have very disorienting double vision, wonky balance and slow speech. The battle continues!
My time at Twin Creeks is surreal – I still couldn’t believe what was happening to me. Aside from therapy and getting poked with needles, I have a handful of very vivid memories from that time –
1. At the foot of my bed was a plastic panel with handles cut out on both sides. This panel was pretty wobbly; one night, I decided to put my feet through the cutouts and see if the panel would come off – it did. I didn’t plan for this event and panicked a little; but, despite my diminished coordination, I managed to maneuver it back to its place.
2. My impulsivity continued – at one point, I told my physical therapist that she smelled funny
3. There were two of everything – this got pretty annoying when watching tv, but I always got twice as much food as the other patients 😛
3. There were two of everything – this got pretty annoying when watching tv, but I always got twice as much food as the other patients 😛
4. I’d occasionally wheel myself to the entrance to greet and see off visitors. I’d say hi to someone, they’d reply in kind and ask how I was – my brain would tell my mouth to say “I’m f’ed” – having no filter, I’d say, “I’m f’ed”.
One of the more troubling difficulties I encountered soon after being infirmed is extreme posture issues. Imagine that the left side of your head is one pole of a magnet, and the ground is the opposite pole. Even when you’re standing still you feel an irresistible pull towards your left side. I recall the first time the physical therapist put me on a walker; despite my best efforts, I couldn’t walk forward, I just wanted to fall on my side so that the magnets could meet.
ITEM! Thanks to a brief visit with an OT, my left arm has found new life. It’s still shaky and slow, but I’m getting a lot more use out of it. This guy didn’t say anything I hadn’t heard before. However, he is from Scotland – the accent might be the key factor. He also showed me a nerve stretch for my left arm. Whatever the case, I actually get upset with myself when I pass up an opportunity to use my left arm. My point, I have two –
1. If you’re in (heh, pee-pee) PT and/or OT, your outcomes will improve if you imagine that your trainer is speaking in an exotic accent.
2. I get on my nerve…and stretch it everyday now. I think this stretch would benefit anyone, so here’s how it’s done –
Items needed –
a wall (or other flat, vertical surface. For example – a wall).
An arm (you should have two of these – a “right” and a “left”).
A nerve (not sure what it’s called, for purposes of this guide we’ll call it “Nerve Existing in the Region of the Deltoid, or NERD).
Stand with your feet parallel to the flat, vertical surface. Stretch one arm out to meet this surface. Turn your fingers downward, jut your shoulder out (the shoulder with the outstretched arm). Now lean your head towards the opposite shoulder and feel the stretch, really work that NERD. Count to 784, spin three times and sing the national anthem. Now you should be able to play the banjo like a pro and lift a car like so much Superman on the cover of Action Comics #1. As you can see, I skip around a lot, from NERDs to banjos to Supermans. Here’s why –
TBI is…Thought Becomes Inconsistent – I tweeted this last week, but tweets are limited to 140 characters, I thought I’d expound on this one. Here is the original explanation:
I move slow & shiny things are everywhere. I’ll get somewhere, spin & say “why’d I come here?”
I realize that many of you out there, dear readers, do this. Allow me to qualify this explanation – I USED to be very quick and astute as concerns remembering things (this blog brought to you by my ego: “nothing’s changed!”). Further proof – I went to get a glass for OJ this morning. On my way to the cupboard, I saw scuzzy grossness in the kitchen sink. I stopped to send it to that great big garbage disposal in the…my sink. I ended up having to chisel some petrified cereal off a bowl. This went on long enough for me to forget about the OJ. Because of this distraction, I’ll probably get scurvy and suffer a painful…symptom of scurvy.
I’m going to stop here. I’d like to be able to claim that I finished a piece of writing discussing how I might have scurvy.


  1. Hi Jarrett! I love what you have written here.Can’t figure out why I haven’t seen it before. Love you

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