Terd Compendium v2.1 – My Favorites

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First things first – a “terd” is the union of two or more words. This salacious copulation conceives a portmanteau that can convey the same meaning as its parents in half as many words…

Gosh, that was a needlessly verbose way to say “terds” (term+word) are portmanteaus (aside: is a “terd” with three words a “portmanthree”? Or in sticking with the Frenchness – “portmantrois”?)

There haven’t been any major revisions or additions since v2.0. I simply combined TERD COMPENDIUM v1.0 and TERD COMPENDIUM v2.0, pared it down and made it more presentable.

Here you go –

Paranormullet (Paranormal+Mullet) n. : A mullet so distinct it defies natural law

Paranormullet eg 1

Gal: Jeb always seems to know what I’m thinking, before I say I’m thirsty, he brings me a drink

Chick: It’s his paranormullet, it gives him psychic powers

Paranormullet eg 2

Gal: Why are there rocks and twigs floating around Jeb’s head?

Guy: It’s his paranormullet , it has its own gravity

Grammurder (Grammar+Murder) n. : Writing with such poor grammar that the writer literally murders the written page.

Grammurder eg

Dude: Did you read my short story?

Gal: Good storyline but you grammurdered it.

Castrgate(Castrate+Castigate) v. :To reprimand a man so badly that his testicles fall off.

Castrgate eg

Dude1: Melvin’s gf verbally attacked him for using the wrong detergent

Dude2: Had he balls to start, they’d have been castrgated


Bisocksual (Bisexual+Socks) n. : Socks, usually medical socks, with no set heel/toe orientation. They can go either way.

Bisocksual eg

Dude: Borrow some socks?

Guy: Here ya go

Dude: Where’s the heel?

Guy: Those go on either way, they’re bisocksual

McDonalzheimers (McDonald’s+Alzheimer’s) n. : A condition, prevalent among parents of young children, where the afflicted forgets every eatery but McDonald’s

Mcdonalzheimers eg

Wife: FINALLY! No kids, where to eat?

Hubby: How bout McDonald’s?

Wife: What the hell are you talking about? You must have Mcdonalzheimers


WithdraWal Mart (Withdrawal+Wal Mart) n. : Condition resulting from paying too much for groceries, etc.

WithdraWal Mart eg

Cashier: Total is $52.52

Gal: WHA?!? That’s not always the low price. Always.

Guy: She is in the latter stages of withdraWal Mart

Proctorology/ist (Proctor+Proctology/ist) n. : Practice of sitting to give a test for so long that your ass aches

Proctorology eg

Teacher: My ass hurts!

Guy: Did you see a proctologist today?

Teacher: More like proctolorogist. Gave a test

Digresst (Digress+Digest) v. : To display some form of digestion burp, vomit, etc.), causing the dialogue to veer off topic

Digresst eg

Gal:…so I told the guy ‘no, but that sure is a nice ski…*BUUUHH*

Guy:…and?

Gal: Sorry, I digresst

Buzzled(Buzzed+Puzzled) adj. : When drinking, the point where you start feeling drunk & everything’s confusing

Buzzled eg

*At restaurant*

Dude 1: The check is $38.16. How much is 15% for tip?

Dude 2: IDK, I’m all buzzled


Nitwat(Nitwit+twat) n. : A very unintelligent slut

Nitwat eg

Gal 1: Pam has been sleeping with everyone w/o using protection since breaking up with Tom

Gal 2: What a nitwat!


Texacoma(Texaco+Coma) n. :A catatonic state of shock resulting from hearing or seeing gas prices

Texacoma eg

Brother: What ‘s wrong with Dad?

Sister: He heard the price of diesel on the news and went into a texacoma


Injourney(Injury+Journey) n. :1.Injury from a Journey/adventure 2.Injury caused by a journey/adventure

Injourney eg 1

Jarrett’s Injourney began after having a brain hemorrhage in May ’09

Injourney eg 2

Mick injourneyed to the toilet after taking a drink of tap water while on vacation in Mexico


‘F’icacious(F word+Efficacious) n. : Using the ‘F’ bomb to make something happen

F’icacious eg

Gal 1: May I borrow your car?

Gal 2: No

Gal 1: May I borrow your f’n car?

Gal 2: Ok


Amazombie(Amazon+Zombie) n. :Person who mindlessly seeks merchandise on Amazon the way a zombie seeks brains

Amazombie eg

Gal 1: Did you hear that Kelsi bought frozen burritos from Amazon?

Gal 2: She is a total Amazombie


Impotinent(Impertinent+Impotent) n. : When it’s especially rude if/when a man can’t get it up

Impotinent eg

Gal 1: So I do a striptease for this guy and he still can’t get it up!

Gal 2: Some men are so impotinent


Quietc(Quiet+etc) v. : The polite way to ask someone who has started to ramble to be quiet

Quietc eg

Start topic: gun control

Guy:…I explained that M&Ms taste the same regardless of color

Gal:The hell you goin on about? Plz be quietc


Perfert(Perfect+Pervert) n. : A person who is flawlessly creepy and inappropriate

Perfert eg

Girl 1: The old man at the register kept staring at your tits!

Girl 2: Yeah! He still gave me correct change. What a perfert


Pondord(Ponder+Word) v. : To take a moment to think of the right word

Pondord eg

Terrified, Mick stopped and pondord for a moment to describe his gf’s new haircut w/o hurting her feelings


Pecadildo (Pecadillo+ Dildo) n. : 1. A small, wiener shaped problem 2. A small problem that vibrates

Pecadildo eg 1

Dude: DAMMIT! I forgot the hotdogs for the bbq

Guy: Quite a pecadildo you’ve created!

Pecadildo eg 2

Gal: I put your phone on vibrate while you were gone

Chick: OY! I miss a very important call bc of that pecadildo


Oughtamobile (Oughta+Automobile) n. : A car with a passenger full of suggestions

Oughtamobile eg

Mom: You oughta take main st., we’ll get to Ikea quicker

Kid: Mom, this is MY car, not an oughtamobile!


Hemordroid (Hemorrhoid+Android) n. : An Android phone that’s a real pain in the ass

Hemordroid eg

Guy on phone: …but that sure is a nice ski… hello? Damn hemordroid always dropping calls!


Primpropiety (Primp+Impropriety) n. : A faux pas caused by untimely or unwarranted grooming

Primpropiety eg

Teacher 1: I got on to Amy AGAIN putting on makeup in class

Teacher 2: Yeah, I wrote her up for primpropiety last week


Jackasset (Jackass+Asset) n. : A screw-up that somehow manages to be useful

Jackasset eg

*Tire shop*

Guy: I told new guy to order 10 sets of tires.  Moron ordered 100. Good thing that nail truck spilled nails all over the hw.

Gal: What a jackasset!


Faminspiration (Famine+Inspiration) n. : An extended period of creative drought

Faminspiration eg

Dude: Hey Jarrett, your last couple of terds sucked and you skipped a few days

Jarrett: Sorry, dude. I’m in the midst of a faminspiration


Incommode (Income+ Commode) adj. : Term for a shitty thing to spend money on

Incommode eg

BF: Why’s my bank account only have $11?

GF: I invested your paycheck into some vintage beanie babies

BF: In the incommode, gotcha


Paradoxymoron (Paradox+Oxymoron) n. : A contradiction of contradictions

Paradoxymoron eg

Dude: I need a Pepsi

Guy: You don’t NEED a Pepsi, you WANT a Pepsi

*buys Pepsi*

Dude: I didn’t NEED a Pepsi, yet I got one – a catch-22

Guy: And you lied about needing a Pepsi, yet you ended up with one. Liar paradox

Dude: A paradoxymoron to be sure


Comma Sutra (Comma+Kama Sutra) n. : Sex session separated into two parts

Comma Sutra eg

Gal: Where are you going? We aren’t finished yet

Dude: We’ll finish later. I’ve been reading the Comma Sutra


Infamediocrity (Infamy+Mediocrity) n. : Quality of being famous for behaving normally

Infamediocrity eg

Gal: Did you see the last episode of “World’s Best Vacuumer”?

Dude: Yeah, that Lisa chick is headed straight for infamediocrity


Queasine (Queasy+Cuisine) n. : Fancy, expensive food that causes nausea

Queasine eg

Dude: How’d the date go?

Guy: I bought her a $150 meal & she puked it all up

Dude: Must’ve been some fine queasine


Apostrophy Wife (Trophy Wife+Apostrophe) n. : A wife that abbreviates/cuts everything short

Apostrophy Wife eg

At breakfast

Man: Where’s my coffee?

Wife: You weren’t done? I threw it out & cleaned the mug

Man: I always wanted a trophy wife, but an apostrophy wife…


Sargasm (Sarcasm+Orgasm) n. : When one reaches the apex of witty commentary

Sargasm eg

Dude: …then I said ‘so’s your face!’

Gal: BAHAHA! What did he say to that?

Dude: I think I had a sargasm, we just cuddled & smoked


Underwherewithal (Underwear+Wherewithal) n. : A disturbing awareness/knowledge of other people’s underwear

Underwherewithal eg

Guy: OY! My boxers are itchy today

Gal: That’s bc Hanes uses subpar cotton from southern India

Guy: That’s some powerful underwherewithal


Micturatio (Micturate+Ratio) n. : Measurement comparing the amount of urine to the size of the urinater

Micturatio eg

Gal:…our 11lb son put 5lbs of pee in his diaper this morning

Dad: That micturatio doesn’t add up


Complimaint (Complaint+Compliment) n. :

1 Praise with undertones of discontent

2 Critical comment that’s unintentionally encouraging

Complimaint eg 1

Gal: I love your voice

Singer: Thanks

Gal: But I don’t like the kind of music you play

Singer: What a nice complimaint

Complimaint eg 2

Waiter: The old lady at table 9 complained that there are too many big breasted girls working here

Manager: That’s not a complaint, it’s a complimaint


Retromand (Retro+Reprimand) v. : 1. Criticism for failed retro style, or 2. Criticism for a VERY old offense

Retromand eg 1

Mom: Did your new style catch on?

Girl: No. The 21st century isn’t ready for the scrunchy. I got retromanded

Retromand eg 2

Couple fighting

Wife: …and you never complimented my haircut!

Man: That was two weeks ago! I can do without the retromand!

Ingestigation (Ingest+Investigation) n. : The stomach’s process for deciding to send food up or down

Ingestigation eg
#dude: You’re looking a little green. That burrito gonna come back up?
Guy: That’s still under ingestigation

Forgication (Forge+Fornication) n. : A written account of a sexual encounter that’s probably #lies

Forgication eg
Guy: You see Dan’s tweet about getting busy in a Burger King bathroom?
#dude: That’s a forgication. That was Humpty from Digital Underground

 

 


 

 


 

 

 

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