Blowhards and the Trouble with Numbers

“What should I do is vigorously but that the I need to document the blowhard at the top of the ta the most everything will I think it worked think I have my homework to me thank you for your help in this rating is the latch on to you later out of the thing well us tells you so I happen to have some course as always get as summary etc. note that bag works like if I ever found something use IQ a stock of the spring is in the myelin this thing.”
– Me via Dragon Naturally Speaking
I’ve been under the employ of The Good Shepherd Community Clinic, Inc. (GSCC) for about two months now. This job requires that I type more.  Since manually, I type a keyboard scorching 5.3wpm, I use dictation software – Nuance’s Dragon Naturally Speaking. The above gibberish was recorded as I spoke to a coworker about my difficulties mounting a dry erase board in my office. Let me stop there and insert that the comments that follow are not meant to disparage Nuance or its fine product. Quite the contrary, the software increases my efficiency by 152% (give or take, that’s a guesstimate based on a number I pulled out of my bottom).
Let’s analyze this –
“I need to document the blowhard at the top of the ta” must mean…uhh, I got nothin’. You see, I’ve found that Dragon works best when it has a context. Given that fact, we must ask what was the context for “blowhard” and “ta”? Let’s get the official definition of “blowhard” from dictionary.com – “an exceptionally boastful and talkative person.” I can’t say I’ve recently encountered a blowhard, but maybe some stepped into my office while I was away and started bragging about ninja skills or some such nonsense. The next chance it got, Dragon told me to either –
1 Catch this windbag not on ta, but on top of a ta. What is a ta and how does one ascend one?
2 While on top of ta, document the activities of a blowhard.
What about
“note that bag works like if I ever found something use IQ a stock of the spring is in the myelin this thing.”
Again, let’s look at context. It starts of plainly enough, explaining how bags work best if you find something (in it? To put in it?). Wait, I’ve deciphered that part, bags work best when you use your IQ to determine what to stock in it – this is easiest in the spring. If you try it in the summer, fall or, God save us, the winter, you will surely stock the bag with the wrong stuff, then you’ll die poor and lonely. I’m not sure about the remainder of the composition, but Dragon must’ve keyed in on a brain/intelligence vibe owing to the word “myelin” or “a soft, white, fatty material in the membrane of Schwann cells and certain neuroglial cells: the substance of the myelin sheath.” The way I understand it, myelin is the insulation that conducts neurological activity through brain cells. In a manner of speaking, it’s like the outside shell of a subway train car; without it, the train would still get people/stimuli to they’re/its destination, but the cargo will be a bit frazzled when it gets to its destination.
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My new job roxxorz my soxxorz. Basically, my job is to do everything that I enjoy doing and everything I went to school for. What makes it doubleplusgood is the work environment
Moving on; The GSCC has a strong focus on wellness and improving quality of life. As an employee, I’m encouraged to lead by example and choose a wellness goal or goals every week.
I’ve taken on a new vocation as development coordinator for a nonprofit clinic. We seek to spread wellness across our small community like so much chicken pox festering on the flesh of some unfortunate adolescent.
For my wellness challenge of late, I’ve chosen to write 750 words a week, THIS is word 50, fifty, making the number 50 the 53rd word, but it’s a number, so I’ll fix that. Now the problem is that the word ‘fifty’ is word #54. It has become a case of a number standing in for a word that is a number in a sequence of other words, and so on…
Moving on, my other wellness goal is to be more active with my left hand. Being as clever as I yam, I figured I’ll do them both simultaneously. As such, I’m doing that for tthis portion of the blog. From here on out, like in the previous ssentence, I’m going to leave mistakes – the spasticcitty often causes me to hit some letters twice.
The thing that irks me the most is that I started at about 8:45. It’s now 9:15. I’ve typed a whopping 158…one hundred fifty eight words, not counting the words (and number that counts as a word) after ‘whopping’. That’s a keybooard shredding 158 words/30 grueling minutes = 5.3 wpgm. I’ve found “active” to be especcially tedious – ‘a’ is typed by the left pinky, ‘c’ by the left middle, ‘t’ by the left index,a brief reprieve with ‘i’ on the right side, back to the left mifflr/index with ‘v’, and ginally ginish with ‘e’ with the left ring ginger.sq1e – almost dropped the keyboard. Ivan’t help but think of the symbology that “active” should be the most tiresome, when something like “difficult” id so much easier. I can’t take it anymore, I stop.

FIN

@JarretttLWilson

Jarrett takes a stand

OMG! I had a beautifully written blog ready to post, I clicked “save”, the screen went blank and a dialogue box saying the file no longer exists popped up.
I shall persevere with a brief synopsis of that splendid blog now lost to the great digital abyss (digibyss?).
I wrote the following letter to a collections agency disputing the charges.

August 21, 2015

Texoma Emergency Physicians

PO Box 8775

Fort Worth, TX 78124-0775

Re: Account #Wouldn’t you like to know

Dear Madam or Sir,

The above referenced account is for an emergency room visit on February 10th, 2015 for symptoms that were ultimately caused by an implant malfunction in my spine. Insurance refuses to cover it because I had already been to the ER that day.

I returned due to the fact that the treatment they administered (a pain pill) was having no effect and I felt like I was brushed aside as if I was merely trying to get a fix (an assertion made more credible by the fact that the doctor who referred me is a physical medicine/rehabilitation doctor who specializes in pain management).

If you were to check my medical records in the weeks after that ER visit, you’d find a surgery to correct my implant malfunction and a visit to my neurosurgeon in Dallas to discuss a small hemorrhage that resulted from complications due to the malfunction of the implant.

I recount all of this to show that I knew something was wrong, but was not given the attention I deserved on the first visit. Indeed, I gave the hospital a scathing review when they emailed me asking about my visit – concerning that critique, they’ve not contacted me. The only attempts at communication have been when they call to collect money, indicating their true interest, my bank account, not my health.

Frankly, I don’t think I should have paid the first ER bill – if I got that kind of service at a restaurant, I would have asked for the manager and left no tip. Unfortunately, TMC’s management doesn’t seem to take a customer centered approach when they find out you have insurance (I use the term “customer” as a slight, as I was never treated as a patient).

Please consider this appeal for the $425 balance of the above referenced account, and prove me wrong – that hospitals and those associated with them aren’t just out for the contents of my wallet.

Respectfully,

Jarrett Wilson
You see,  insurance refused to pay because the bill was for my second visit to the ER that day. Given the fact that I  received the brush off,  guy looking for a fix treatment the first time,  I went backand was upgraded to a bed in the hallway! This is an upgrade because EVERY member of the ER staff saw me. Twenty minutes later they saw me leave again.
That 20 minutes in the hallway might cost me $425!
I wanted to share this with you because:
a. Doctors might know more about THE body,  but you are the expert concerning YOUR body.
b. I rarely get the chance to write formal letters,  and I write them real good 🙂

Preregistration – A Harmless Word, or a Blight Upon the English Language? You Decide.

So I’m driving home from the theatre (I seen Shawn the Sheep with Quinnchild, I highly recommend it. Riveting!) And I must’ve seen the word “register” or “registration” on a sign somewheres. The tunnels and wiring of my brain conspired that I should contemplate the term “pre-register”. Upon considering that lazy, ugly term, I was filled with a malice towards it that only myself and perhaps Merriam and Webster can experience (those poor saps have to see it in print and convince the world and themselves that it isn’t s such an abomination, so it could be worse).

Moving on, my beef with that most heinous of contrived verbiage comes from the arrogance and presumption of its first use. I imagine it went something like this –

Yuppie business owner: There simply must be some way to sucker more money out of these proles. My cut from the $10 registration fee gross barely covers the gas top get here.

Yuppie volunteer lady : It’s a shame that we can’t charge for an interview.

Yuppie business owner: I KNOW! We’ll sell concessions.

Yuppie volunteer lady: Are you kidding? These people are so uptight and afraid for their job situation, they would sooner starve than risk staining their best clothes.

Yuppie business owner: Good point.

Yuppie volunteer lady: Here’s an idea – we’ll have an early registration period at regular cost, then the usual registration for $5 more. People will think they’re getting a deal for registering early, but they’re really paying full price and the rest are actually getting penalized!

Yuppie business owner: That’s splendid, Delia! We will have to rename it? “Early registration” sounds like registering early in the registration period. The common man is a sap for things cleverly titled. How about pre-booking?

Delia (yuppie volunteer lady): Heavens, Warren! We’re not taking bets, this isn’t a horse race! What about “pre-register”?

Warren (yuppie business owner): BINGO!…

Clearly, my hatred of this term has unbalanced my sense of comprehensive expression and caused me to meander through the blogging fields like a duckling that’s lost its mother. I’ll get straight to the point –
Listen, “pre-registration” is still registration. It’s just wrapped up to look like a special privilege.

It’s like warming up before playing a sport – if you get there earlier you still warm up, you just warm up longer. Maybe you’ll be more prepared than everyone else, but you still play in the same game as the rest of the guys.

I know I don’t have to justify this post, but I feel lousy about it. Thing is, I enjoy blogging and I haven’t felt inspired to write anything until “preregister” invaded my mind. So, here’s to a new beginning! Also, the Windows 10 upgrade takes FOREVER!

FIN

@JarrettLWilson