Here are the next five in my list of 100 things that I have learned from living with a TBI. Recall from their previous list the use of such numbers as one, three, four and so on. I’m going to change it up with this list and feature numbers such as ten, eight and se…
I’ve decided that the list of a hunnerd is a solid basis for a book, and would like to hang on to it for that purpose. I’ll leave the previous list up to…well, because I don’t wanna take it down. It’ll also give loyal readers a taste of what I hope will be a book someday.
I’m not going to give up this blog though. I’m going to use it for public service announcements. The following message is near and dear to my heart –
Are you a licensed driver? Do you understand the rules of driving?
If you answered ‘yes’ to both of these questions, you’ll be equipped to complete the following sentence: “When I drive on a road in the United States, I keep to the _____ side of the road.
I’ll make it even more simpler by providing answer choices –
The correct answer is B. Right. However, I’ll accept D if you’re a Sith Lord. Sith Lords don’t have to drive on a certain side, they can just use the force to move cars out of their way.
Now that that’s settled, ponder this question – Do you or anyone you know shop at a supermarket? If you answered yes to this question, correctly answered the previous and can’t use the force, the following concept should make perfect sense – when patronizing a supermarket STAY TO THE RIGHT!
DON’T walk slowly in the middle of an aisle and stop suddenly to look at the Pop Tarts
DON’T suddenly speed up when the person waiting behind you as you FINALLY select the S’mores Pop Tarts (barf), forcing this person to stay behind you.
DON’T stop in the middle of the aisle to look at Nutri-grain bars (how many quick breakfast fixes does a person need?)
DO stay to the right.
DO politely move to the side of the aisle when you find something that you’d like view.
Lastly, and most importantly, DO STAY TO THE RIGHT!!!
This announcement brought to you by PISS (Public Information for safe shopping).
This will be post 102. I’d hoped to mark the occasion of my 100th post by giving away 100 pillowcases or some such thing, but I let the landmark pass me by.
But, FEAR NOT, internet! Who says post 102 can’t be treated with great fanfare? After all, it’s higher than the oft celebrated 100.
To mark this monumental occasion, I thought I’d look back through my posts and talk about how far I’ve come. Isn’t that a wonderful idea? OF COURSE IT IS!
To give me some direction, I’ll create a list of 100 things I’ve learned from living with a TBI and reference posts that relate. I’m not going to list all 100 right now. Rather, I’ll break them into sets of 10 over the next several weeks.
Before I start I need to share something. For whatever reason, I haven’t been in a funny mood lately.
That doesn’t mean I’ve been a grump. For purposes of this blog that means I’m going to approach this list from an informational point of view.
You see, others with brain afflictions have been asking for my input. I’d like to slant this list more as informational rather than funny. I can’t promise some funny won’t ooze out like so much puss from a blister. What I’m trying to say is, read and be informed, dammit!
That said, here goes 100 things I’ve learned, one through ten –
1. Patience – I didn’t even look through my blog for this one because if there’s one thing that permeates your life after a TBI, it’s slowness. I don’t think it’s an accident that ‘weight’ and ‘wait’ are homonyms.
Listen, I’ve been through YEARS of rehab. A very popular item for physical therapists working with individuals with ataxia is the ankle weight. I’m getting off topic here.
The point is that everything takes longer. For instance, I fiddled with a caribiner clip and the loop on a water bottle for about three minutes on Friday. I know that doesn’t sound long, but to Ta-Ja (Taskmaster Jarrett – more info. HERE ), it was an “egregious unsanctioned activity”.
I’ve become a bit neurotic about maximizing my time. In fact, I poked fun at myself for the silly ways that I make/save time (see more HERE, HERE, HERE & HERE).
You’ve been very patient if you’re still reading. What I’m saying is my life is full of tedium – gotta be patient.
That one was too long. I’ll do more better, I swears.
2. A thing or two about Neuro-anatomy: Early on, I learned all that I could about my affliction to be my own advocate. I have continued educating myself because I’m interested, there’s much to know, I wish to advocate/educate (eduvocate? Advucate?) others and because I get to learn and use big words like “proprioception” (the brain’s perception of where the limbs are).
I’m getting carried away again, read more about my understanding of the brain HERE and HERE
3. Know your body: It’s true what they say (aside: who are “they”?), the body is a temple. In the same vein as the previous point on this list (previoint?) , I believe that one should be mindful of the things one puts into/subjects one’s body to.
This is an overused cliche, but it’s spot on – think of your body as a car. If you put crap gas (heh, poop) into the car it’ll ruin like crap. With the body/temple, the same principle applies.
I don’t think I’ve ever written on this topic directly – you’ll just have to take my word for it. Also, here’s a picture –
4 & 5. Therapy axioms – “slow & steady wins the race” and “nose over toes”: TJTW (The Jarrett That Was – more info HERE and HERE) was a rabbit, not always on the move, but very capable of keeping up with or exceeding the speed of life.
This part of TJTW has morphed into Ta-Ja (Taskmaster Jarrett, mentioned above). I had to learn to slow down, that speed is no longer an option if I wish to do things right. I still struggle with this concept.
In essence, I’m a rabbit stuck in a turtle’s body.
“Nose over toes” is a simple rhyme that helps one with bad balance stand up. I’ve also learned that this quip helps me to know where my center of gravity is.
OK, folks. I know that I said that I would list one through ten, but the intro and the first five have already made this post far too long to fit into one post. Henceforth, I shall try not to be so verbose and just give the “straight dope”. I will post five through ten tomorrow. If you would like for me to expound upon something, leave a comment.
I put out an ad in the paper offering to convert home videos to DVD. Here’s the ad:
Convert your home video tapes (VHS, VHS-C, Mini-DV) to DVD. Contact Jarrett at # withheld. $12 per tape.
How lame is that? I was limited to 160 characters, so I had to stick to the basics. If I had the space, I would’ve said this –
Crazy Jarrett’s home video conversion service is officially open! I can convert your old VHS, VHS-C and Mini-DV to DVD.
Just think, that old video tape of Uncle Fred burping the alphabet will have new life in digital quality! Normally, this service costs $14,000 per tape, but take advantage of this introductory offer, and the price goes down to $12 per tape – that’s a savings of over 1166%!
Not convinced? Check out these testimonials:
“He converted some old video tapes, whoopty shit.”
– Marie, 30 – Queens, NY
“I thought he was selling celebrity sex tapes. Grrr.”
– Preston, 29 – Madison, WI
“What’s a video tape?”
Britney, 13 – Edmond, OK
“What’s a DVD?”
Jeb, 68 – Nashville, TN
“Will you convert all my old naughty movies?”
Ryan, 35 – Salina, KS
What are you waiting for folks? As an added bonus, have three videos converted and get a FREE oven mitt! Sign up today!
Fowawaplaberugu (food water walk play belly rub guy) went somewhere in his moving domicile (car) and he left the computer on with a web browser open and signed in to his blog. So I thought that I, Lily the dog, would tell you about life as a dog.
It is a common misconception that life as a dog is a breeze. Why, just the other day, the blue menace (a blue plastic bag) tried to kill me…excuse me, I need a nap.
Also, Fowawaplaberugu only let me lick his bowl twice! TWICE! Egregious, I know.
I also have to defend Fowawaplaberugu from the people walking by outside our domicile. For the most part, my savage bark and my kill face keep them away: but occasionally, Fowawaplaberugu lets these people in. That’s when I have to unleash my most fearsome barking and growling…excuse me, I need a nap.
When we go for PEE-PEE as he calls it, there will be humans lurking out there, sometimes they try to TOUCH me! This aggression will not stand, so I poop on their lawns…excuse me, I need a nap.
Here’s a picture of me –
Humans call me “cute” and “precious” a lot. I guess those are different words to describe a vicious beast.
I’m going to try something new here at Brain Injourney Industries.
I have writer’s block of a sort. I have several topics swimming around in my head and have even started writing on a few, but they don’t feel right.
So you see, my problem is that I’ve too many things to write about rather than too few.
I’ll start writing on one topic and think, this topic is boring, this other topic is WAY more interestinger, I think I’ll write on it instead. I’ll write on this other topic for a bit and think, this other topic is boring, this other other topic is WAY more interestinger, I think I’ll write on it instead.
I eventually make it back to the first topic and think this is a good topic, I’ll keep working at it.
Then the process starts all over again.
I conjure the best way to deal with this quagmire is to let my thoughts spill out like so much upchuck from a
college freshman’s stomach.
This upchuck will not spew forth in the erratic order you’d expect from vomit; i.e. Cinnamon Toast Crunch, then the bean burrito followed by the nuts from a Snickers, all swimming in a broth of Keystone Light and vodka. No, no. This ralph is going to rhyme.
Mmkay, What is to be the subject?
My Uncle Sam is an architect.
The subject will be whatever is both interesting and easy to rhyme with:
Such as, the Jedi fight the Sith.
Do the Sith use the force?
No, their power comes from a horse.
I’m hungry right now,
So hungry I could eat a cow.
Thing is, I wouldn’t call it “cow”, I’d call it beef;
There’s a character on Street Fighter 2 named Zangief.
That was a game that I loved to play,
I used to play it at my grandma’s house with my cousin TJ.
He usually beat me,
Excuse me, I need to go pee.
Ok I’m back, sorry for the delay,
I’m sure you want to get on with your day.
Not wait for me to go potty,
Loddy doddy, I likes to pawdy.
‘Potty’ and ‘Pawdy’ are almost the same word, cheater.
Watch out for flooding caused by a faulty hot water heater;
A pipe burst on my old one, spilling water everywhere
There was quite a bit here and even some over there.
How much longer will this be?
Not sure, I don’t wanna stop before I give thanks to my sister, Chelsey.
I spoke to her the other day and told her I was in a slump,
She knew just what to say to give my spirit a jump